Finally!

After approximately 31 tries...

we're finally pregnant!! 

Get the full scoop on GodKnits.com

What to expect postpartum

This is great information for expecting moms about what to expect postpartum!

What Nobody Told Me About Mesh Panties

 

I ovulated!

Phew!!!

As you know if you've been around for a while, we've "tried" over 20 times in the last three-plus years but I haven't actually done my official FAM charting. Until now. I decided that if we're serious, I better show it, as per the previous post.

So I got back to taking my temperature at the same time every day and recording fluid, symptoms, etc. Based on my last cycle, I figured I'd ovulate around day 18 this time and, much to my surprise, my temperature went from 97.3 to 98 on day 19! And it has stayed well above the cover line in the five days since, and went all the way up to 98.3 today! 

Implantation wouldn't occur until post-ov day 9 at the earliest. I had ovulation spotting with one of the pregnancies, but it's no guarantee. What I'm really looking for is getting to day 13 post ovulation, when I had positive pregnancy tests before. That will be April 12. Or a third clear rise in temperatures to indicate a rise in progesterone!

I really need to get my hands on both boys' fertility charts to compare! But of course it's been almost eight years since I last got pregnant. Gulp.

I feel very relieved that I do seem to be ovulating! And my temperatures indicate good hormone levels. So that's encouraging.

The crazy thing is, we'd conceive in April and be due in December...just like with the miscarriage. Wouldn't that be something?

P.S. I've added a D3 supplement to my arsenal. That was my only deficiency when I was last tested so I figure, why not try to get it up to normal??


 

My trying to get pregnant arsenal

The hubby and I have had a chance to regroup recently and have decided to really have a go at TTC. I've been treating it rather half-heartedly and need to COMMIT.

So we're getting back in the game. I thought I'd share with you 

my trying to get pregnant arsenal. 

This is my TTC Bible. I stopped taking the Pill in 2003 after about a year. The story is, I started on the Pill when Drew and I were a few months away from our wedding. Then a Catholic gentleman I worked with gave me a brochure about the effects of the Pill and it was eye-opening. The idea of a pill making my body inhospitable to a fertilized egg was not in line with my beliefs and values so I was considering not taking it anymore when my backpack was stolen out of my car--with my pills in it. "Message received, God."

I then decided to teach myself the Fertility Awareness Method, ordered this book, and started right away with charting. I still pick it up on occasion when I have a fertility-related concern.

This is the 2015 anniversary edition of Taking Charge of Your Fertility on Amazon.

There are FREE printable fertility charts from TCOYF, too, so they're ready to go. I've used them dozens of times over the years and they'll tell me a LOT about what's going on with my body. They look like this.

Print yours by clicking here.

I also ordered a new basal thermometer so I can chart my temperature (along with cervical fluid and other fertility signs). Using this method, we got pregnant with Andrew after about four official tries then got pregnant twice in a row after that ON THE FIRST TRY.

I'm 38 now and we've "tried" over 20 times now to now avail so it's time to big out the big guns again. Here's the one I ordered on Amazon. Basal thermometer.

For me, the most important features are that it takes your temperature quickly and recalls your last temperature. So I can take my temperature at 7:00am every morning, even if I don't write it down until later in the day (when I'm not half asleep and it's not dark).

I also ordered these ovulation detection strips from Amazon.

My cycles have been between 27 and 31 days lately so that means I need to test from about day 13 to 18 to tell if I'm experiencing a surge.

Naturally, when you're TTC, you're going to wonder if you're pregnant...so I went ahead and bought a big ol' pack of pregnancy test strips, too. Pregnancy test strips from Amazon.

When I talked to my ob/gyn about taking prenatal vitamins (they often upset my stomach), she suggested forgoing the usual and instead just taking a folic acid supplement. There's not much to them so I just got these Folic acid tablets.

{If you've heard anything recently for or against folic acid, please let me know!}

I'm also determined to keep stress levels low, cut back on sugar again and just take better care of myself in general. After the holidays, I never quite returned 100% to my healthy eating habits (I'm looking at you, Lay's potato chips).

We're feeling ready!

Of course I'll keep you updated on our TTC progress. Hopefully charting officially will increase our odds because I'm not getting any younger!


 

2015 wrap-up

I cannot believe 2015 is about to come to a close. It's been a really incredible year with many amazing opportunities. It's also been exhausting!

Here are a few reflections and updates for you.

We are in fact still TTC (Trying To Conceive). I'm not taking any drastic measures, we're just doing what we know to do and trusting God. There are days when I'm not sure I can handle starting over, and other days when I ache to bring another child into the world...so we just take it a day at a time and remain "open to life."

Two years ago, I kicked my sugar addiction. And I've been gluten, wheat and cow's milk-free for about 18 months and I feel better than I have in, well, my entire life.

This was me right around my birthday in November 2015, wearing my second-hand top and size 6 Levi's!

The boys are now 10 (yikes!) and 6. They're so precious and we are incredibly blessed that they are kind, smart, strong, thoughtful boys, and so good to each other. They both earned new belts recently in karate and are getting all As in school. They love playing video games, making up stories to act out with their Angry Birds plushies, and riding their scooters to the park.

Andrew age 10 and Ethan age 6

I'm making some adjustment for my business in 2016, primarily because I want to publish a book about the miscarriage story. My main focus is helping work-at-home moms elevate their image and expand their influence so they can have their work, family and faith in harmony and pursue God's best for their lives. You can find out more on my work with me page.

For this space, I hope to encourage more women in 2016 who are experiencing unexpected setbacks on the journey of motherhood, from infertility to unplanned pregnancies. My work at the Pregnancy Care Center of Chandler will continue and I hope to host some support groups as well.

In 2016, I hope to get back to walking, yoga, herbs and essential oils--some of my loves that were placed on the back burner for too long!!

If you're reading, I'd love to connect with you so feel free to email me at tabitha@tabithadumas.com or say hello on my Facebook page.

Let me know how I can support you or what you'd like for me to blog about!

Wishing you all the best in 2016 and beyond.

 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It's October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 

My candle is lit tonight as I honor the mamas who have lost babies or who have struggled with infertility as well as those who have aborted babies. If you are one of those women, I'm praying for you tonight.

When we had an early miscarriage in 2009, I was very honest about what happened and was AMAZED at how many other women had lost babies. It's heart breaking. And it's the reason I started God Knits.

I do have a private Facebook group for God Knits if you'd care to join, where we can support and encourage each other (or vent or cry or whatever you want). It's private but I believe you can request to be added.

God Knits Facebook group

If you aren't aware, we've been trying to get pregnant off and on for exactly three years now, a total of 18 times to date. I finally bought some ovulation predictor strips to try out and if that doesn't work soon, we'll both get checked out to see what's going on. There's also a chance that we'll just resign ourselves to the idea that it's not meant to be.

We also know that, well, I'm almost 38. It has been difficult at times but now, it's almost to the point where I don't even care anymore. I know that if it happens, it will be in God's perfect timing, just like every time before (we got pregnant on the first try twice in a row!). And if it doesn't, I am OK with that. But if I seem a little sad every 34 days or so, you'll know why.

This motherhood stuff is hard, plain and simple. And that's why we're here.


 
 

Did you have a traumatic birth?

I ran across this article today on Mothering.com: The Secret Many Moms are Keeping

I believe it's true--many women that had traumatic births don't ever take the time to process it or heal from it as they move on to recovering themselves and caring for their newborn. Sometimes they think they're OK ("Hey, I got a healthy baby out of it") but the pain resurfaces years down the road.

You may not know that my first birth was what many people would label traumatic--if you consider an emergency hospital transfer traumatic. You can read the full story here: Andrew's birth story

The hard thing is that we'll never know if we could have avoided going to the hospital if I'd been checked sooner, or if we'd have ended up at the hospital, anyway. Of course if I'd been in the hospital from the start, it's possible that there would have been interventions and a very different outcome, too.

The hardest part is that my vision for my birth was completely taken away from me. Rushing to the hospital at the "ready to push" phase was no picnic, nor the chaotic twenty minutes between our arrival and his. Not hearing "It's a boy!", not holding him until after an hour, worrying about whether he was OK, not knowing what was going on with ME...definitely not what I'd been hoping for.

I look back and wish that the midwives would have checked me sooner. I wish Drew had insisted. I wish I'd known what the urge to push felt like and that they'd coached me to push harder.

YES, I met my goal: natural child birth and a healthy baby. But the rest of it was ripped away from me.

My recovery was challenging, too, and not being able to sit up unassisted for several days meant that I quickly learned how to nurse laying down, which meant that we surreptitiously became a co-sleeping family.

Birth is rarely what we expect it to be. In fact, with my second, I was determined to have another natural birth, even if it was "as bad" as the first. But instead it was absolutely by the book, even to the amazement of my nurses and doctor. We started timing contractions at 3am, left for the hospital around 6am, was all set up in the delivery room by 7am and he was born at 8:21am!! They put him on my chest and let the cord stop pulsing and I held him for almost an hour before they took him to clean him up, then returned him immediately to me and we've been together ever since. SUCH a different story.

The important thing, I think, is that women need to share their stories. The good, the bad and the traumatic. We need to process it, to know that other women have been there, too, to hear stories that were better or worse than ours. It's powerful and it aids in the healing process.

If you'd like to join a small community of supportive women, join my Facebook group: God Knits Facebook group

Women need each other! I hope to facilitate more conversations in the future. In the meantime, journal your thoughts and feelings or talk to a trusted friend. Or call me! (602) 349-1129

 

Happy Mother's Day!

TTC #1 this time around was not successful but we are not at all discouraged!

It's a numbers game...and of course, with God, all things are possible...so we're just enjoying the journey!

I had a lovely Mother's Day and hope you did, too.

If you're a woman who struggles with Mother's Day, whether because of a baby hoped for, a baby lost or a struggle with your own mother, YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN. I hope you can find peace and hope wherever you are on your journey and find ways to celebrate everything you have to be thankful for. 

I've been thinking more lately about fertility and pregnancy and motherhood...so I hope to be writing more here soon! Stay tuned...

 

He said his peace!

Weeellll....we've been hem-hawing about having another baby for months--nay, years--now. We've even "tried" off and on quite a few times! Then we just weren't sure what we wanted to do, so we took a break.

Well, my sweet hubby kept asking me if I wanted another baby. He'd ask our boys if they wanted a brother or sister. He'd mention "now or never" and ask if I'd made up my mind.

I've knows for quite a while that I'm definitely open to the idea or having another baby but I wasn't SURE one way or the other.

Then recently, I've been feeling the draw again...that puuullll to become a mother again.

It's that time of the year, too...when we got pregnant with the miscarriage baby, Mother's Day, Ethan's birthday...when I'm thinking about pregnancy and babies again.

And I noticed on Countdown to Pregnancy that if we conceived this cycle, I'd be due December 28. That rings a bell--that was our due date with the miscarriage baby. 

Songs on the radio...looking at baby pictures of the boys and feeling that tug on my heart...I finally thought, "Yeah, we need to think about taking another leap of faith."

Drew prayed about it. He said he had peace. So we're going for it.

The night before we first "tried," Ethan added, "getting a new baby" to his nighttime prayers....like he KNEW or something. Funny.

This time FEELS different. Our hearts are in it. Life is good, our family is doing great, I'm feeling amazing...it's time.

So we're taking that leap of faith and this time, we're sticking with it! 

Assuming my fertile phase just passed, we'd be looking at news before the end of April. If it doesn't take this month, I'll start charting again. I had to brush up on my Fertility Awareness knowledge--thankfully, a lot of it is still ingrained in me!

The last two times we really made up our minds we got pregnant on the first try so of course that's my request. But really, any time in the next 10 months would be lovely.

Here we go!!

Where we are now

I can't believe we're mid-way through March already!

These were our family photos from December 2015. The boys are now 9 and 5.

We're actually on spring break for two weeks and enjoying some downtime and more decluttering and home projects.

As for the "trying," it's been on hold for quite a while. We haven't made a 100% decision one way or the other but are certainly NOT "trying" at the moment.

We did have two nephews born within one week last month, though, so our family is growing! 

We're in a good place right now and are feeling blessed. For now, that's good enough. 

 

Update....and back at it??

My last update was Valentine's Day and here we are, past Labor Day now. Here's the latest.

I've lost about 20 lbs.

Wanna know how? Check out my "how I list the weight" post.

I got an allergy panel done and have been avoiding the foods I'm sensitive to for over a month now, including gluten, wheat, cow's milk and wacky stuff like bananas, mushrooms, lemon and peaches.

I'm also taking a homeopathic remedy that has really helped with my belly issues--namely the feeling like I had a bubble in my stomach that would never pop.

I've had a little bit of light-headedness and some low-energy days so I'm still figuring out how to bulk up on protein and good fats. Over all, though, I feel better than I have in many years, especially my stomach.

The boys are now 8 and 5 and both in school all day at our neighborhood public school. I'm still adjusting to that and so far, it's wonderful. They're doing karate now, too, so our weeks are pleasantly busy.

Speaking of busy, August was insanely busy with church stuff so I've been trying to cut back and get more down time in September. We've been reorganizing the house, too, and working on some projects.

And just this week, my husband is putting the pressure on to decide...BABY....now or never?? He doesn't like being stuck in indecision and he wants to get on with it. I get that.

So it's decision time: are we done or do we go for #3?

Yes, we've been here before. No, I'm no more clear on what I want. I don't feel done....but I don't feel this draw to have another baby, to mother another child.

What do you do when you just don't know?! 

We tried for a while to no avail so of course there are no guarantees. I have changed--even just with the changes I made at the start of 2014, my body adjusted and has continued to adjust. I was last pregnant in 2009! I am a very different woman now.

There are pros and cons, so many things to consider, so much to think about....but then there's the simple question of "Why NOT roll the dice one more time??"

I believe I'd like to be a mommy to another human. I'd like to raise another kid. I'd like to bring another person into the world, into this family. I'd like to take one more leap of faith.

Hear that sound in the distance? It's me saying, "Wheeeeeeee!!!".....



 

Happy Valentine's Day!

We are still not actively "trying" for anyone wondering.

I am doing well with the less sugar thing. And I feel pretty great! A baby is not a heart's desire at the moment--and that's OK! I have plenty of friends and family pregnant and having babies so I'm good!

Here are a few photos from my recent Valentine's Day tea party. If you live in AZ, I hope you can make it to the next one!

My selection of tea cups for the ladies to borrow. 

The food was amazing this year! 

Fairytale-themed table

My plate! 

Yes, we wear tiaras.

Me and my mama having a photo op.

Me hostessing in my tea party garb! These were the prizes I gave away for festive food and attire.

It was a wonderful event and I am blessed to be able to spend such a lovely afternoon with so many extraordinary women!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mothering the Mother

For anyone just joining us, we're taking a break from TTC. It's been nice to have one less thing to think about!

Thankfully, this last period was very minor and I've felt pretty good!

Here are a few pictures from our recent day trip up to the snow in Flagstaff, AZ. We had a blast and it was such a nice escape from the holiday craziness!

Pushing big brother down the hill.

Brothers about to blast off!

Me and Ethan, bundled and enjoying the snow!

In other news...

I visited a new naturopathic doctor today who is also a certified nurse midwife. I'm going to get some blood work done then schedule a time to meet with her to address whatever issues I may have. An over-taxed adrenal system is a likely suspect. There may also be cortisol, thyroid or vitamin D issues, too--we'll see! I don't have to speculate much longer--she'll be able to tell me!

Sitting in her office NOT at a prenatal appointment was...good. I feel like if I were pregnant, we'd be dealing with my health issues on top of pregnancy issues and I'd be skating on thin ice again.

Don't get me wrong, I feel pretty great--but I don't feel as steady or as strong as I'd like, and that's not a good way to start a pregnancy, especially at age 36.  

I am grateful to not be pregnant so I can take care of myself for a season.

There are times when the mother needs mothering and for now, that's where I am. I don't know about baby #3 but in the meantime, feeling well, strong and balanced are my top priorities. Then I can take care of everyone better!

 

Family Photo and Christmas Break

The first half of the school year is winding down and Christmas break starts Friday.

We're taking a break from baby making, too. 

We're just...tired. And a little weary. And not even sure of what we want.

So, we're going to enjoy the season, enjoy our family of four and rest in God's goodness.

Speaking of our family, here are our latest pictures!

The four of us. Andrew is now 8 and Ethan is 4.

Me and my Ethan.

Brothers.

 Our family of four!

Merry Christmas and I hope you are enjoying the season, too! 

 

This is getting old

Yup, another cycle has come and gone with no good news.

I barely even tracked anything this cycle and didn't even bother testing. Not much PMS to speak of, thankfully.

I was teary a bit and felt a bit drained for the first few days of this cycle, but fine over all. This period has been REALLY heavy, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Today was cycle day 4 and I was achy, nauseated and just "blech." It's been a doozy. I've also been pushing myself pretty hard, though.

Of course there are the usual "Is this EVER going to happen?" and "Do I even really WANT this?!" and "Is something wrong?" questions. And another dear and lovely friend turned up pregnant--that keeps happening.

I'm a little discouraged. I'm a little tired.

I know God's timing is best and I absolutely trust in His plan, but I don't have to pretend that this doesn't kinda stink. A lot.

I suppose we'll just keep trying! This cycle, we'll have news right after my birthday and would be due in August.

Every month that passes, I remind myself that whatever good reason I had for THIS cycle being "it" (like for this one, we could have announced at Thanksgiving and I would have been due on my grandmother's birthday), there must be an even BETTER reason. That is reassuring, because every pregnancy up until now was perfectly timed--even the miscarriage.

Maybe I'll find out on my birthday (November 29th). That would be fun.

Honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

{Preface...I know that every woman handles the loss of her baby differently and that is absolutely OK. This is just my story.}

I remember right after it happened, I had the thought of, "Now I'm 'that woman' who had a miscarriage." 

Sometimes it's still hard for me to believe. I had a miscarriage. 

And I did. Back in May, 2008, over Mother's Day weekend. I still remember it so vividly, the sights and sounds and the gut-wrenching pain. And my heart. Ooooh, my heart.

I still, literally, right this second, tear up at the thought of it--but probably not for the reason you would think.

Here's the thing. My miscarriage experience itself was relatively "easy." I was only six weeks along, just long enough to fill out my pregnancy journal and start dreaming about whether I'd have the baby in 2008 or 2009 (my due date would have been December 28th and my first son was born six days "late") and whether our first son would get a brother or a sister.

The bleeding started on a Friday and I spent the weekend (Mother's Day weekend) feeling like I had the flu. When my body actually purged the tissue on Tuesday, I felt relieved. I will never forget that day. It was May 13th, 2008. I never went to see a doctor and I even attended church and celebrated Mother's Day with my son (pictured below) and my mom. I was incredibly fortunate.

I say that the miscarriage was like getting sucker punched at a Sunday School picnic. 

It was a huge turning point in my life and served as a necessary wake-up call that allowed me to see life in a different way. It also allowed me to see God's grace in a different way, and I am forever changed.

I get emotional because I don't even recognize myself anymore. The miscarriage ushered a season of fear (and eventually full-blown anxiety) into my life that took me many months (years, really) to get past. In fact, I still fight anxiety almost every day. 

That season afforded me the opportunity to ask some hard questions and make some hard choices--ones that many people don't confront until they hit rock bottom. My rock bottom, by the grace of God, was mercifully minor.

I was able to make many positive changes over a long period of time, and grow closer to God in the process. I am so grateful that God gently pruned me the way He did and the growth since then has been astounding. 

By the way, the story had a happy ending. On May 13, 2009 (a year to the day later), our redemption baby came home from the hospital. God didn't have to do that. He is very, very good to me.

My heart aches for the mothers who suffer the loss of a child, in ANY form. Every story is unique and every baby deserves to be celebrated and remembered. 

So much of my life is different because of that miscarriage. It is actually better because of it.

I write on this blog to encourage other women to try to see God's grace in their experience, too. The healing process is long and it is hard. Allowing God in to minister to you and encourage you makes all the difference.

Read my miscarriage redemption story on my These Heels Are Made For Walking blog.

Please contact me if I can help you on your journey in any way.
.

It's a no. Again.

Another 31 day cycle came and went and in a way, it gets easier because you just get use to another month going by and no good news.

I felt lousy in the days leading up to the arrival of my period, complete with nausea, moodiness, cramping and a restless night of sleep. But, as always, I held out hope until the bitter end.

When it was officially over, I felt sort of numb and haven't really even thought much about it since. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, maybe it's a way of repressing emotions--I don't know.

Again, near the end, I was in hell, wondering if I was PMS-ing or experiencing early pregnancy symptoms. Like always, you hope, hope, HOPE you're pregnant but feel like you're probably not. You know realistically that the odds are not in your favor. That's why every positive test I've ever had has been such a shock--you really cannot believe that it's positive, because deep down, you just can't believe it's real--until it's real. Every time, it has taken some getting use to.

I know God withholds nothing good so I have to accept that, for whatever reason, it isn't good yet. 

The "feeling lousy" part makes me wonder if perhaps I'm not healthy enough to carry a healthy baby at this point. I am almost 36, I don't exercise and I could use to lose a good 5-10 lbs. I probably need to cut back on more activities, practice resting and eat a more nutritious diet. So I'm taking the "no" as a chance to get healthier, find more balance and truly prepare for the implications of adding another child to our family.

It's daunting, at best. And of course I wonder if this really is the right thing for us and if I really want to do the whole new baby thing all over again.

I've had these thought before and then every time I reach my fertile phase again, I'm ready to give it another try. We'll see what happens this time, a year after we started "trying." Yes, my hopes will be up. Again.

 

Being happy for them

This is cycle #12 since we "started trying." Has it really been that long?!?

I just looked back and we had five legit tries, three not-so-great tries (due to bad timing and a variety of other factors) and three months where we didn't try at all (mostly to avoid a November/December due date).
I definitely didn't foresee this taking quite so long BUT I will admit that the months have gone by very quickly and I'm still feeling hopeful and encouraged.

Within the last week, a dear friend texted that she'd gotten pregnant with her fifth child, a friend I met in 2001 messaged me that SHE became unexpectedly pregnant (they are over the moon!) AND I ran into a sweet acquaintance I haven't seen in a while at an event who is 18 weeks pregnant.

The first one already posted adorable announcement pictures on Facebook and I'm meeting the second one this weekend to tell her my stories and pass along my pregnancy and breastfeeding books. Siiiigghh.

You know the old saying that when all you have is a hammer, everything becomes a nail? Well, when you're trying to get pregnant, it seems like there are pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE. When it's people who are close to you, however, it hits home a little more.

I could let it get to me. You wonder "Why them and why not me?" You see them post their pictures and feel like it should be you. You wonder when it will be your turn. They reassure you, "It will happen for you soon!" You feel like when you DO announce your news, you'll look like you're just jumping on the baby band wagon or no one will notice because they're caught up in their own pregnancy journeys. You wonder if you should be telling people you're "trying" just to get some sympathy. 

If you happen to BE pregnant, just be aware that people who are TTC or who have lost a child are sensitive and need a little compassion. They usually do, however, want to celebrate your good news, so don't feel like you have to leave them out of the loop to spare their feelings.

If you are TTC yourself, it's important to be happy for people and know that your story will be told, too, and there will be people watching your journey someday and wondering, "Why her and not me?"

This process is heart-wrenching at times. It can be lonely. It can take longer than you thought it would. But you have to just keep your hopes up and try, try again. Just like I am. After all, what else can you do??

 

No Dice

Nope, not pregnant.

I had a teeny bit of spotting before bed last night and told Drew, "I think it's over." Woke up this morning and first thing, it was official.

I was emotional this morning--some tears here and here (even as I sat at the Starbucks in Target--so I turned to face the windows so they didn't think their coffee was THAT good!). Overall, I feel OK and at peace. By the grace of God.

I'm just feeling kind of...tired. Tired of the roller coaster, tired of waiting. Just tired. But, we trust in God's plan for us and we know all things work together for good. And before ya know it, we'll be "trying" again!

I remember the waiting and wondering from pregnancies past, and it makes that positive test all the more surreal. I know I will have that moment again...someday. I hope.

I know that God withholds nothing good from us...so for reasons we may never know, now is not good.
And when it happens, it WILL be good.

I'm good with that.

 

Labor Day??

So here we are, cycle day 31 and 12 dpo.

A less patient woman would have tested today. Or a woman who had had a chance to get to the store for a test.

It's just as well, because the longer you can wait is, of course, the better.

Tomorrow is 13 dpo and cycle day 32, which was precisely the day we got our Big Fat Positive with Andrew. In fact, his fertility chart and my current one are almost an exact match. Does that mean something??

I had a bit of beige fluid on the exact same days, too. Day 10 may have been implantation bleeding. Same with this cycle.

A Labor Day announcement would be a riot. And a May due date?? I could wear my May Baby tee shirt, which I already took out of my "maternity" bin, just in case.

I really, REALLY hope this is it.

I remind myself that EVERY month, there are GREAT reasons for why it would be so wonderful that particular month...so, that means that #1, there will always be good reasons and #2, when it does happen, it will be the BEST one! So if it doesn't take this month, there will be some great reason for why it takes when it takes.

This last day or two is the worst! I am on pins and needles and wondering if I am feeling "symptoms" or not. Like always, I think, "This could be "it!"" Or...this could be nothing! It feels so silly to get excited over nothing, yet NOT getting excited over SOME thing is even worse! :)

I'm going  out for a few groceries, and for a test, shortly. Tomorrow's test should be conclusive either way, so I'll feel better then. I won't sleep well tonight, but I'll feel better tomorrow!

Again, I don't have a "feeling" either way except for desperately hoping that this is The One that "takes!" I want this so bad and we are so ready to move on to the next chapter!

One way or another, we'll know by Saturday!