My trying to get pregnant arsenal

The hubby and I have had a chance to regroup recently and have decided to really have a go at TTC. I've been treating it rather half-heartedly and need to COMMIT.

So we're getting back in the game. I thought I'd share with you 

my trying to get pregnant arsenal. 

This is my TTC Bible. I stopped taking the Pill in 2003 after about a year. The story is, I started on the Pill when Drew and I were a few months away from our wedding. Then a Catholic gentleman I worked with gave me a brochure about the effects of the Pill and it was eye-opening. The idea of a pill making my body inhospitable to a fertilized egg was not in line with my beliefs and values so I was considering not taking it anymore when my backpack was stolen out of my car--with my pills in it. "Message received, God."

I then decided to teach myself the Fertility Awareness Method, ordered this book, and started right away with charting. I still pick it up on occasion when I have a fertility-related concern.

This is the 2015 anniversary edition of Taking Charge of Your Fertility on Amazon.

There are FREE printable fertility charts from TCOYF, too, so they're ready to go. I've used them dozens of times over the years and they'll tell me a LOT about what's going on with my body. They look like this.

Print yours by clicking here.

I also ordered a new basal thermometer so I can chart my temperature (along with cervical fluid and other fertility signs). Using this method, we got pregnant with Andrew after about four official tries then got pregnant twice in a row after that ON THE FIRST TRY.

I'm 38 now and we've "tried" over 20 times now to now avail so it's time to big out the big guns again. Here's the one I ordered on Amazon. Basal thermometer.

For me, the most important features are that it takes your temperature quickly and recalls your last temperature. So I can take my temperature at 7:00am every morning, even if I don't write it down until later in the day (when I'm not half asleep and it's not dark).

I also ordered these ovulation detection strips from Amazon.

My cycles have been between 27 and 31 days lately so that means I need to test from about day 13 to 18 to tell if I'm experiencing a surge.

Naturally, when you're TTC, you're going to wonder if you're pregnant...so I went ahead and bought a big ol' pack of pregnancy test strips, too. Pregnancy test strips from Amazon.

When I talked to my ob/gyn about taking prenatal vitamins (they often upset my stomach), she suggested forgoing the usual and instead just taking a folic acid supplement. There's not much to them so I just got these Folic acid tablets.

{If you've heard anything recently for or against folic acid, please let me know!}

I'm also determined to keep stress levels low, cut back on sugar again and just take better care of myself in general. After the holidays, I never quite returned 100% to my healthy eating habits (I'm looking at you, Lay's potato chips).

We're feeling ready!

Of course I'll keep you updated on our TTC progress. Hopefully charting officially will increase our odds because I'm not getting any younger!


 

The 51/49 boy/girl issue

Most of us have heard the statistic that having a boy vs. a girl isn't exactly 50/50 but is actually 51% boy and 49% girl for any given pregnancy.

I have conversations fairly often on this topic and I always give them the synopsis of my own research (the Shettles method, adjusting the woman's pH balance, positions to use during intercourse, etc.) then end with, "It's probably just a 50/50 chance no matter what."

That goes for families with two or three of the same gender, too!

Turns out that I was probably right.

This is one of the more interesting studies I have seen about this topic from:

InGender.com

Some tidbits from the research:

• The odds of having a girl seem to decrease after having each boy, but only very slightly. Even after 3 boys, you are only 6.4% more likely to have a 4th boy than a girl.

• The odds of having a boy seem to increase after having girls, except after 2 girls, when a 3rd girl is more likely.

It looks like you are slightly more likely to have a boy, regardless of previous children. This is probably due to the overall 51/49 boy/girl birth ratio. This ratio, interestingly, varies slightly with birth order; it isn't consistent among first-borns, second-borns, etc.

Their conclusion:

The truth is, your odds stay pretty close to 50% for each child and only vary slightly. 

If you have had 2 or 3 boys, you are only about 2% to 6% more likely to have another boy. If you have had girls, you are slightly more likely to have a boy next.

ABOUT THAT GIRL

For me, this means that, yes, there is a slightly (VERY slightly) higher chance of us having another boy this time around (just like ANY time around!)...but there IS a 73-75% chance that we will have a girl in our three-child mix! :) 

The Wait is Almost Over

Here we are again, at that excruciating "within a few days of knowing for sure" phase. Ugh.

Cycle day 30, approximately 13 days past ovulation. I've had + tests at day 13 in the past and got a BFN (Big Fat Negative) today with a $1 at about 4:00pm. Naturally, I'm not going to take that too seriously since it was so late in the day.

Either way, my cycles for well over a year have been 30, 31, and once or twice 32 days long, so we're definitely in the home stretch. At this point in every cycle, I want to just KNOW and move on, even if it's negative. Even a fresh start is better than wondering.

The last two days, I've had a couple of very inconclusive and nearly imperceptible "symptoms" but over all, I feel great! I actually have NOT been nauseated, and my appetite has been better--which is very un-pregnant like. My sense of smell does seem elevated and I've had a few 'twinges' here and there but nothing major.

I know I'll want to test over the next day or two as I wait for the start of a new cycle, so I went out to get a few $1 tests and what came on the radio in the precise six minutes that I spent driving to the store?? "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. My sort of 'trying to conceive anthem.' Do I think that means I'm definitely pregnant? In a word, no. It means, however, that God wants me to remember to 'keep my hopes up' and keep trusting in His perfect timing. It was like a little reminder to me today as I wait..."Don't Stop Believing" and it blessed me tremendously. I can't stop smiling.

I'll probably collect a specimen in the morning and wait to see if a new cycle starts before lunch like it almost always does. Or I may just go ahead and test. I'll probably just test.

I really truly don't have a strong feeling either way. The few barely-there symptoms definitely make me wonder, and announcing for Valentine's Day and being due in October would definitely be cool. As always, we know that God's timing is best!

We shall see!!

P.S. Even as I sit here, I feel a little crampy. Could be anything, though.

 

Two Week Wait: no news yet

Only 11 days past ovulation, cycle day 28, still 3-4 days until I would start a new cycle.****

Had to try with a $1 today because if we conceive this cycle, there's a surprise involved...and I could have passed on the news today and it would have been really fun!

But, alas, no news yet.

As I've mentioned before, I got a lot of negatives with $1 tests, even the same day I got a + on other tests, so... I'll keep on hoping for the best!

I was also about 13-14 dpo with past pregnancies, so I may just implant late.

Here's my most recent test on Countdown To Pregnancy: http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/my-pregnancy-test85978

****UPDATE! This cycle ended two days later on January 8th. The news would have been that I was due on my dad's birthday but, alas, that didn't happen. We'll have to see how the story unfolds!

Tab's Tips For Taking Pregnancy Tests

I say tipS (plural) because, seriously, who can take just ONE test!?!?

These are mine from September 2, 2008, approximately 14 days past ovulation. I dipped one in the cup and it popped up before I even set it down. Not trusting my eyes, I dipped the other one immediately afterward. I was amazed!!

When I was learning the Fertility Awareness Method, I remember reading that it is almost impossible for a woman to go beyond 18 days past ovulation without being pregnant. For charters, being past day 18 post-ov without a period is an almost sure sign of pregnancy. "Well, I'll just wait the 18 days and test after that, then," I remember thinking.

Riiiiiiight. That never happened.

With all three of my pregnancies, I started taking $1 tests as early as 10 days past when I thought I ovulated. I would have negatives or even light positives on days 11 and 12, but I didn't get a STRONG, dark, CONCLUSIVE positive result until fully 13-14 days post-ov.

I was never an obsessed test-taker, but I did try the dollar tests just for fun in the days leading up to day 13-14, knowing I'd have to splurge on a 'real test' for the official result.

So! Here are my Tab's Tips for Taking Pregnancy Tests:

1. Wait to take a test until your period is truly LATE.

Implantation needs to occur before hCG is produced, and that generally happens between 6-12 days post ovulation, usually by 10 days after. I recommend not testing before at LEAST 10 days post-ov, and closer to 13-14+ days if you can bear to wait that long.

During the 'waiting to test' phase is when knowing the typical length of your luteal phase (the time between ovulation and your period) is extremely valuable. Knowing what's normal for you means that you can test confidently within a day or two of when you would usually expect your period.

With my first pregnancy, I knew my luteal phase rarely went past 12-14 days AND I usually had spotting on days 11-14 or so. When I got to day 13 post-ov with NO spotting, I figured something was up. Sure enough, the test on day 13 was very faint but on day 14 it was VERY positive.

CAUTION!! Many factors can lead to a longer-than-usual cycle including delayed ovulation due to stress of sickness. So unless you KNOW when you ovulated, just thinking you're 'a little late' doesn't necessarily mean you're pregnant.

COOL TOOL!!! Wondering when to test based on your specific cycle?? Try this on CountDownToPregnancy.com. Gives you a run-down of when various pregnancy tests will pick up the hormone levels. Very cool! According to my dates, I'd be a fool to test before at least Nov. 4 and I'm advised to wait until Nov. 7th and beyond. My plan is to hold out until Thursday the 8th because I have a big teaching gig the next day AND my grandmother arrives into town so I will HAVE to know!

2. Test with your first morning AND midstream urine if possible. You should use midstream urine--meaning you should pee a little first and then either hold the test stick in your urine stream or use a collection cup. And I recommend.....

3. Pee in a cup, THEN dip the stick IN (rather than trying to pee ON the stick). You will be nervous and your hands might be shaky, so don't attempt to pee ON the stick!

Follow the package instructions, of course, but for MOST tests, you can pee in a paper cup then dip the absorbent tip into the cup for the specified amount of time and lay the test down to get your result.

4. Keep the test pointing downward and then lay it flat afterward. I remember with my third pregnancy, I dipped it in the cup then watched it move across the control and BAM! The second line emerged, before I could even set it down! That was awesome.

5. Know your tests. Some tests are more sensitive than others. If you're testing early, you want a test that detects the LOWEST amount of the pregnancy hormone. There are many tests on the market that can pick up 25mlU. Some even pick up levels as low as 10mlU or 15mlU.

Check out this list from FertilityPlus.com for a list of the most sensitive tests then take it to the store and see which ones are on sale. 

Wondering about the hCG levels? A rounded-off average would be about 25 mIU at 10 dpo, 50 at 12 dpo, 100 at 14 dpo. You can see why I got FAST, clear positives on day 14!

I'd wait to get the digital "I'm pregnant" test until you're pretty sure you are OR if you are just DYING to know for sure early on. It is a fun picture for the scrapbook (or to use as a prop to announce your pregnancy), but cheaper tests can still give you a conclusive positive (or two or three or six) before you have to splurge on the expensive digital version.

Happy testing!

Do you have tests you love or hate? Do share!

 

Early Pregnancy Symptoms

For women who think they may be pregnant, it's fun to compare notes on the early pregnancy symptoms other women experienced. Here are mine.

Andrew's pregnancy (2005):
1. My first tip-off was being 12 days post-ovulation without any spotting. If you are hoping to be pregnant, anything unusual about your cycle is a good sign!
2. Bright blue veins across my chest and later, on my belly. Increased blood flow, I believe.
3. I walked into Target and almost wretched when the smell of popcorn hit me like a wall.
4. My jeans were tight around the belly almost immediately. Or they FELT that way, anyhow. It's said to be a result of hormonal changes.

**Reading over old blog posts, I discovered that I had what was almost definitely implantation spotting a day or two before my positive test with Andrew. Good to know!

Once I found out we were pregnant (13 days post-ov officially), I had increased appetite and energy for about a week. At about the six week mark, the evening tiredness started in. I had some food aversions early on, too, like I didn't want coffee or sweets, and I was thirsty a lot.

Miscarriage pregnancy (2008):
I had to read old blog entries to remind myself...
1. "Drooly" and light-headed, some achiness and lower back aches. "A little tired." I don't remember many clear signs, which may have been a sign.

SIDENOTE: My theory now, four years later, is that I was exposed to a bug or virus of some kind at about 5 weeks pregnancy. I'm not sure how all of that works, but I wonder if my 'symptoms' were merely the bug starting to kick in. My midwives theorized that I had a 'blighted ovum,' which would have resulted in a positive prengnacy test, but isn't technically--maybe--a 'baby.' I'll write more about this at some later point.}

REST ASSURED, however, that MANY women without strong early pregnancy signs go on to have healthy babies! Every woman and every pregnancy is different.

Ethan's pregnancy (2008):
1. All I recorded on my trying-to-get-pregnant blog was "achy and tired." Naturally that can also mean 'impending period' so that's not a big help.

Once I got the positive test (about five weeks in due to 35-day cycles), a couple of days later I reported..."I'm feeling fine. A little low on energy at times, even breathless, like everything is harder. Very HOT. Definitely hungry and thirsty all the time. A little woozy from time to time but otherwise, GREAT!" There ya go!

By six weeks, I reported on feeling "tired and woozy, just enough to be annoying." Sounds about right.

So...we'll see if I'm 'achy and tired' a week from now!

In the meantime, this is a really cool chart to see what pregnant and non-pregnant women were experiencing at the various days past ovulation. Find it on
Countdowntopregnancy.com.

Gulp. Here we go again!

How quickly things change!!

We are 'trying' now. Yikes.

We went back and forth for months and my fertile phase would come and go month after month...and my husband juuuust wasn't feeling it. Until this week.

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions and excitement. Drew accepted a promotion at work, I actually backed OFF on my writing business, my dear friend is dealing with symptoms related to her brain tumor surgery (again) and there were lost keys, a sprained ankle and other tense moments as well. Life stuff, y'know?

The stuff that makes you appreciate what you have, look forward to the future and re-evaluate what is really important in life.

In the midst of it all, my hubby and I just sort of looked at each other and went, "Eh, why not??" It's not like things are going to calm DOWN any time soon!

I did have to state my case, however:
1. I'm not getting any younger. I'll be 35 in November!
2. If it 'takes' on the first try, I could announce our news when my grandmother is here to visit in November. That happened with my first pregnancy and it was priceless.
3. We'd be due in July, BEFORE the major heat sets in and in a time of year that is UN-busy for us. 4. We know we want a third child (I think I've always known) and there will never be a 'perfect time,' so why not just roll the dice and see what we get!?!

Drew did make me promise that, when it 'takes,' I'll take a break from my businesses, side projects and ministries and focus on the boys, my health, our home and the new baby. I promised!

It was so precious....we were discussing baby names (why?!?) and the two boys kept asking questions about having a new baby. We got into a lively discussion. We voted. They're both in favor or another kid.

So....Drew and I talked. We got real. We argued some. We got emotional. Well, I got emotional. And ultimately, we are trusting God with the outcome and we just decided to 'go for it.'

We did, by the way, put in a request for a girl, IF that is in God's plan. We trust Him to give us exactly what we need, whether a boy or a girl. 

Now it's the part I hate: the waiting. At least my cycles are now 31 days long instead of 35-45 like they once were. The wait between fertile phases use to be excruciating, but waiting a month if we have to 'try' again isn't so bad.

I think I ovulated yesterday or today, so I'll be on the lookout for implantation spotting from around Nov. 3 to Nov. 6 (7-10 days after ovulation in general), then we will probably be able to take a test around Nov. 8, just after my grandmother arrives in town from Florida and before a BIG weekend of stressful events. That will be interesting!

Between now and then, that's about all I'll be able to think about!

But going from 'maybe someday' to 'trying' is a wonderful place to be.

Now we just hold out hope and see what God has for us!

Trying for a girl

My husband can't seem to get past it.

Everyone just assumes we want to.

I haven't been able to quiiiiiite let it go yet.

My extended family is still holding out hope.

My two sons are split on the topic.

What is it??

HAVING A GIRL.

My mom is my best friend. I can imagine having a little "mini me." In fact, before Andrew was born, I could picture myself with anything other than a daughter!

{image from parentingpink.com}

I NEED someone to pass my jewelry, collectibles and treasures on to AND it would be VERY fun to teach a daughter everything I know about God, beauty, men and LIFE. I've always said that it would be cool to having the experience of raising both genders. 

But as I've already said, I WILL NOT go into a pregnancy in hopes of specifically getting a girl. I'm not even convinced that I WANT a girl! They are rumored to be more clingy, needy, emotional (well, that one is a fact), harder to raise and to cost more money. Plus, do I REALLY want the competition for attention?? I am very happy being the queen of the castle--I'm not sure I want a princess!

I am a self-proclaimed Fertility Nut. I bet I could increase our odds of having a girl. And if we decided that we really WANT a girl, and we asked God to help us out...I bet He'd be OK with it.

So the question still goes back to, "Do we want to have another child?" And if so, do we want to "try for a girl"?

My heart seems to be drawn to the idea of adding one more munchkin to our brood. Just not quite yet. I'd like to get my thyroid check and get into better shape and I'd like to help our family get into a better financial position. But...there's always next year.

I'll be looking into it. And thinking it over. And praying about it.

The story continues!

Update, plus tool for estimating fertile window and more

First, the UPDATE.

I know there wasn't anyone waiting with baited breath over whether I was pregnant or not. Just as I suspected, I started a new cycle on September 10th.

For this cycle, my peak day was day 15, which is about average for me. But my luteal phase ended up lasting 16 days, the longest so far for 2012 (my average is 11). The cycle was 31 days long, only a few days more than average. Over all, I was well within the average range and, yes, I did overreact a bit. Call it wishful thinking.

As much as I love trying to get pregnant, being pregnant and having a new baby, my husband and I decided to put it off for the forseeable future. Yes, I am disappointed, but I am not crushed. We may change our minds at any time but my thought of, "We should start 'trying' again!" is NOT happening any time soon!

And....I know it's dangerous to say, "I'm not the type to 'accidentally' get pregnant," but...now I'm more confident than ever!

On to the tool!!!

This is a great tool for determining your fertile window, along with your possible conception and due date, should you get pregnant. All you need is the first day of your last cycle (the first day of your last period).

Check it out, from AmericanPregnancy.org.

It's fun to play with dates, and even having your fertile phase narrowed down to a week is pretty cool!

What To Not Not Do To Not Not Get Pregnant

a.k.a. "What To Do To Get Pregnant"

As a teacher years ago, my class rules were written positively, like, "Keep hands, feet and objects to yourself" and "Use inside voices at all times" instead of "Don't touch or hurt your classmates" or "Do not yell inside."

In the e-mails I write as reminders for networking meetings, I say, "Thank you for RSVPing on Meetup" instead of the negative "Don't forget to RSVP on Meetup."

See the difference?

Wording things positively and telling people what TO DO makes them feel better and also makes them more likely to do what you want them to do. No one wants to be told what NOT to do! {Don't think about a pink elephant!}

As with kids, when you say, "Don't touch that!" they hear "Do the reverse of 'touch that.'" Not easy for a young brain to do! Or ANY brain for that matter!

So when I saw this online today, I rolled my eyes. As a writer and a fertility nut, it's aggravating. It's an article called What Not To Do If You Want to Get Pregnant.

I get it. Everyone talks about what TO do to get pregnant, but doesn't necessarily talk about the things people do WRONG in trying to get pregnant, or the little-known 'what to avoid' types of tactics.

But as I read through the list, I had to really take time to say, "OK, is this a list of what people do wrong that I should avoid or what I SHOULD do that people don't know they should do??" Um....no thank you.

My writing business is called Let Me Rephrase That because I love to do editing, re-writes and paraphrases of writing pieces.

So Let Me Rephrase That article for you. Here's what TO DO to get pregnant:

1. Have sex throughout the month and not just on your most fertile days. Why? Healthier sperm and reduced stress for your partner.

2. Have fun with the sex part. Why? Pleasurable, passionate sex may boost the odds of conception.

3. Use sperm-friendly lubricants (NOT KY Jelly or Astroglide). Using sperm-killing lubricants falls under the 'shooting yourself in the foot' category.

4. Avoid douching and the use of scented feminine hygiene products. Let your natural ph balance do what it is meant to do.

5. Seek fertility help sooner rather than later. To quote the article, "If you've been trying for six months and you're over 35 -- or you've been trying for a year and you're under 35 years of age -- then you should see your doctor." I would add to that...keep an accurate Fertility Awareness chart to take to your doctor if the need arises.

And here's a revisit of MY original list: Tab's Top Ten Tips for How To Get Pregnant. Just DO the things on that list! Isn't that better??

What are YOUR 'how to get pregnant' tips? Or questions?

 

Delayed ovulation

You can bet that as my cycle CONTINUES to drag on to 31 days with no spotting, I am focused on the reality of only two options at this point:

1. I will start a new cycle today or tomorrow (despite a lack of spotting thus far) OR

2. I had a delayed ovulation.      

I had a negative pregnancy test Friday and another clearly negative test Saturday, so it is pretty much a 100% sure bet that we didn't miraculously get pregnant during what I THOUGHT was my fertile phase around the typical day 14-15.

BUT. We seem to vaguely remember a late-night conversation about a week AFTER my fertile phase of, "Oh, we're definitely out of the woods now, I was fertile, like, a week ago." GULP.

Delayed ovulation can be a week or more after your body's first attempt to release an egg. If it was about a week after when I thought I was fertile, I'd be at 10 days post ov today and able to test on Wednesday. I don't REMEMBER a second round of fertile fluid...but I wasn't looking for it, either.

If I ovulated even later than that, who knows where I'm at?? Since sperm can survive for up to five days, there's a wide range of possibilities!

I still feel like I will most likely start a new cycle today or tomorrow.

BUT, of course, my mind cannot help but think about that very (VERY) rare occurrence of us taking a risk in the last half of a cycle...combined with the teeny tiny possibility that I ovulated late this cycle. If that ridiculous combination of high unlikely events results in a pregnancy, it would definitely be 'a God thing' and meant to be!! And I won't rest until I know for sure one way or the other.

Naturally, my husband is taking the "Well, aren't we going to know in a few days either way? You'll either start or get a positive test? Can we worry about it then?" approach.

It's like he doesn't know me at all!! Of COURSE I will obsess about it until AF arrives OR I can test again!!

So while the waiting game continues, here's some information about delayed ovulation for anyone interested. Delayed ovulation, by the way, is the explanation for MANY 'late periods' when women THINK they are pregnant. They just ovulated later than expected!

Most sources agree on these most common reasons for delayed ovulation:
1. hormones
2. low body fat
3. excessive body fat
4. extended periods of intense exercise
5. rapid weight gain or weight loss
6. medication
7. breastfeeding
8. STRESS

Read more on WiseGeek.org.

It is important to note that the STRESS that can delay ovulation isn't limited to things like sickness, work worries, experiencing a loss or moving...it can even be 'good stress,' like a family vacation or starting an exciting new job. Our body can't interpret the difference between 'good stress' and 'bad stress,' it just knows that we're already too revved up and distracted to ovulate and/or get pregnant! So...our body will delay ovulation until we 'calm down.'

In fact, the only unusually long cycle I've had in the last two years was the summer of 2011 when my teenage sister-in-law was living with us temporarily AND we were trying to buy a home in my parents' neighborhood AND get our rental packed up AND were supposed to be leaving on a week-long trip out of town to visit in-laws and go camping. My stress levels were through the roof and my body knew it!  I recorded fertile fluid rising on day 21 but didn't record egg whites until day 32! That cycle ended up being 46 days long. Phew!

Years ago, I noticed a pattern to my (previously inexplicably) long cycles: travel. Once we were on a family trip out of state (camping with in-laws, which was more of a 'bad stress') and once we were on a family vacation (more 'good stress') but both times, I should have ovulated during the trip but ultimately didn't until after we returned home.

Somewhat ironically, I seem to have conceived our second son while two hours away from home on a women's leadership retreat! My hubby and I were intimate that Thursday when I knew I was fertile and I took my thermometer with me on the trip and had a clear temperature rise that Saturday while I was gone! Sure enough, less than two weeks later, I got a positive pregnancy test. I later told the ladies, "I got pregnant ON the retreat!" and they looked at each other in confusion. It was fun! :)

BOTTOM LINE: I am excited about the possibility of a truly miraculous pregnancy...but settled on the idea that I am probably just experiencing a slightly-longer-than-usual cycle. Only time will tell! {I just wish time would hurry up!}

 

A Great Way to Figure Out If You Want to Have Another Child

What is a great way to figure out if you want to have another child? Wonder if you could possibly have accidentally gotten pregnant!
 

My current cycle is dragging on for longer than usual with NO spotting. I am a little achy and crampy--symptoms of early pregnancy AND impending period, of course. Love that.

Other things that have made me curious??

1. I've been tired this week, but I've also had a sort throat/sneezing/stuffy nose thing since about Monday, so it's hard to say what causes what. BUT, I've had colds or weird stomach issues at the start of my other pregnancies, too. Strange. I wonder if it's an immune system thing: as soon as pregnancy sets in, your body puts all of its attention there and then you come down with any little thing you're exposed to. Just a theory!

2. On Tuesday, in fact, I was so tired that I laid down to see if I could sleep and woke up THREE hours later when the school called to ask if I was going to pick up my first grader! I almost never nap, and certainly not that long and that hard in the middle of the day! But again, that could have been simply the restless sleep I had the night before in combination with my little case of the sniffles.

3. I had strange belly pains (like gas or indigestion) that was quite painful a couple of days ago, too. Who knows??

4. I woke up two days ago remembering an angst-filled pregnancy-related dream now that I think about it. Hmm. I wish I remembered it better but there was a roomful of babies involved.

5. This cycle is a little 'off.'

6. I felt kinda breathless for a moment yesterday--an early sign from last time.

My 'charting,' by the way, currently involves a pocket calendar where I keep track of days that I seem to be fertile, any strange symptoms (spotting, belly issues, poor sleep, even vivid dreams) and, of course, my period. I actually sat down yesterday and recorded my cycle details for 2011 and so far in 2012! I highly recommend keeping track of those minimum details, by the way. Just for such a time as this!

Let me state for the record that until about two years ago, my cycles were notoriously long. Like, MONTHS long. Even in recent history, I would typically not ovulate until day 21 or later, making my cycles anywhere from 35-40+ days long! BUT, almost like someone flipped a switch, when we moved two years ago from the home we built in 2003 to Phoenix, my cycles regulated and shortened. My anxiety all but vanished, too. {Yes, there is a correlation. But that's a post for another day.}

ANYway, since making that major life change (plus finally fully recovering from Ethan's pregnancy along with slowing down and taking better care of myself), my cycles have gotten MUCH shorter!

In 2011, my cycle average was 33 days long with ovulation near day 20.
In 2012, my cycle average was 29 days long with ovulation near day 17.

The time between ovulation and the start of a new cycle tends to be the most 'set in stone' number for most women: mine is 11-12. With both of my pregnancies that 'took,' I had positive tests on about day 13-14 post ovulation.

I don't always record pre-period spotting but I do typically have some (the lack of it tipped me off to my first pregnancy) and I have had 1-3 days of it for the last FIVE months.

So. Based on that. Here I am on day 29 of my cycle with an approximate ovulation day now 14 days ago and with NO spotting. And all of the above strange symptoms.

Naturally all of the above could be NOTHING. And there's about a 99% chance that it IS nothing.

The real issue is....how am I feeling about the possibility that we had an 'oops?' It would be truly miraculous, by the way, because I assure you that we are NOT trying to get pregnant! We are actively preventing it, in fact, and we aren't risk-takers!!

But in trying to navigate the whole "Do we want another child or not?" debate....this exercise in the 'what if' is good.

I took a pregnancy test today.

A $1 test that I got a clear negative on the DAY before my two clear positives with my last pregnancy! It was clearly negative today, though. And I was disappointed. The 'almost brought tears to my eyes when I thought about it' kind of disappointed. I found myself saying, "God, could you just PUT a baby in there for me??"

I went to my son's school this afternoon for his teacher's birthday party and found myself wishing someone would talk to me and I could slip in, "Well, I just found out today that I'm pregnant!" I felt myself wishing I could stick my belly out and rub it and know there was a baby in there. Funny, huh?

We don't need another child right now. I don't have a burning desire to have a baby. I don't want to put my body through another pregnancy. Yes...there is that little part of me that felt hopeful today and kinda wished we were more reckless and there was just a small chance that I accidentally got pregnant.

I daydreamed about telling my parents Sunday on Grandparent's Day, I pinned 'announcing your pregnancy' ideas on Pinterest this week 'just in case' and I found myself going through my old pregnancy blog. My heart is open.

I realized today that I'd be open to having another baby, to adding to our family, to bringing another one of our offspring into the world, to rolling the dice again.

My back hurts tonight. I feel crampy. I'm betting it's impending period this time. I'll wake up tomorrow having started a new cycle and feel silly for all this vain hope. But I wanted to sit down and write this so I'd remember.

And at least now I know. Getting pregnant would be pretty spectacular someday. I think once we're more financially stable and my health is up closer to 100% and things have settled down...I might be ready to give it another go.

And no one is more surprised by that revelation than me.
 ADDED LATER: I was looking again at my trying-to-get-pregnant blog with Ethan and ran across this post, published almost exactly at this time of night:  Title:: "Hoping still" Based on my loose calculations, I'm about 14 days post-ov and no period yet. Feeling tired and crampy but that can be pregnancy or impending period, so that's no help. No spotting, though. I'm betting I ovulated later than I think I did. I took a $1 test this a.m. and it was clearly negative. I'll give it a day or two and test again but after that, I'll know it didn't "take." I hate waiting. But God's plan is best and I'm OK with whatever. Really. 

I realize that I am almost certainly not pregnant....but I'm very happy that I've figured out that I'd be ok with it if I were! :)

 

How do you 'walk by faith' in this?

Drew, Andrew and me, walking for our family pictures, December 2007. Andrew was two.

Not much has changed around here in the baby department, meaning that we're still in the 'no desire to have another baby right now but not ruling out the future possibility, either' phase.

Andrew is now well over six years old and Ethan is now three years and three months old and people must think we're 'done' because hardly anyone asks anymore if we're having more kids! Even my mother-in-law has laid off for the time being.

I have just been reading over my old blog entries about our miscarriage and Ethan's conception, pregnancy and birth and while I did adore being pregnant and having a baby, my heart doesn't say, "I want to do it again!" Nor do I feel like there is a person missing from our family or like I WANT another child (as of today).

BUT. Am I going to get a few years down the road and WISH I'd have done it now?? Are the boys going to be grown and I'm going to wish we'd have had the faith to just dive in and have more kids when we'd had the chance?

I refuse to live a life of regrets. I do not operate out of a place of fear.

So the question is, how do I 'walk by faith' when it comes to the future of our family? Is faith plunging in now, saying, "We're going to do this with faith that God will bless our baby and our family," and trust Him with the outcome...or having the faith to say, "I don't feel the heart-urge right now, so if the time does become right, God will faithfully tell us when that is." I think My 'leap of faith' is to NOT get pregnant now, BECAUSE it isn't a desire of my heart right now...knowing that I'm not 'missing' the opportunity somehow.

I do not want to limit God, or dictate what He can or will do! I don't want to add another child to our family right now. I am trusting God to give us another child in His perfect timing, if that is His will.

I refuse to believe that there is some sort of 'window of opportunity' that I might miss, just like I refuse to believe that there is a 'target' of His will and that only one option is 'on the mark' and the rest of them are 'off.' I have freedom to choose...and He has the power to move and speak as He wishes, to HIS glory and MY benefit!

So for now, I don't want to get pregnant. That could change at any time.

I will walk by faith, knowing that God is in control and will lead us down this path, just as He has so faithfully done before, whether that results in a new addition to our family or not.

Want to read more of my pondering on whether to expand our family? I pondered this topic back in February of this year, too.

ARE we having more kids?

That's me, above, the happy mother of two sons.

I am a very happy, content woman these days. I am truly "living the dream!" We're living two minutes from my parents' house, I have a new home-based business doing what I love as a Mary Kay independent beauty consultant, I have several on-going writing projects in the works, I'm enjoying my home, my friends and my new church, my marriage is going into it's tenth wonderful year and I'm thrilled with my two precious boys. And I have no regrets.

Then there's the "Are you guys having more kids?" question. It is a monumental question. A HUGE question!

Somewhat unfortunately, it's not simply a question of whether our hearts could grow to hold enough love for a third child, or whether we're up for raising another kid. There is so much more to it than that, some practical and some more emotional. Do I want to be pregnant and give birth again? Can we afford a third child, now and in the long run? Do we want a seven-plus year age gap between the oldest and youngest? Do we want our baby Ethan to be a middle child? After two amazingly wonderful pregnancies and incredibly healthy boys, do we really want to roll the dice again??



We're in a really good place right now as a family. Our boys keep us on our toes and our life is very exciting and fulfilling. We have what we need but not much extra. We often look at each other and say, "Let's be done having kids. Let's just raise the two we've got well."

Then.

Eleven o' clock at night this past week and we're going to bed. "Y'know..." my husband says. "I bet you're always going to want a daughter."

GULP.

I don't FEEL like there's someone missing from our family. I don't have a burning desire to raise a girl. In fact, after two boys, the idea of parenting a daughter kind of terrifies me!!

But am I denying that heart desire of having a daughter? Am I repressing a deep yearning for a little girl?

I am girly. I can envision the tea parties, ballet classes, shopping, girl talk and planning a wedding. I have a special bond with my own mother and grandmother and would I like to experience that with a daughter of my own? Maybe.

A dear, wise friend with two grown sons once told me, "You'll get daughters someday. But they'll already be raised." I love that idea!

BUT. I have already resigned myself to NOT trying to get pregnant with the intention of "getting" a specific gender. For one thing, I wouldn't want to set myself up for disappointment. The only tears I'd want in the ultrasound room are happy tears. For another, I don't want a third son who thinks he's the disappointing "too bad you weren't the girl we wanted" kid. Lastly, I don't even really KNOW whether I'd prefer a boy vs. a girl!

I THOUGHT I wanted a girl with my first pregnancy. I didn't really make a request before we got pregnant. Of course once you're pregnant, it's too late to make requests. At that point, you just have to ask God to prepare your heart for whichever one it is. Anyway, I couldn't really imagine myself with a son and people would tell me, "I can't picture you with a boy." Well, when Andrew was born, my heart soared. I knew that he was perfect for me and that my heart was meant to be the mom to a son.



When we had the ultrasound with #2, I suspected that it was a boy and was happy with that. When it was confirmed, I was thrilled. I loved the idea of having two sons! BROTHERS! Some people thought I was disappointed that it wasn't a girl but I wasn't. It just felt like it was meant to be. Having two boys has been an extraordinary joy and something I wouldn't trade for anything.



Now I KNOW that I am cut out for mothering boys. I love how independent and active they are. I love seeing them interact with their daddy. I actually enjoy the noise and chaos and there's something special about being the adored mother of sons.

The REAL question, then, is...am I done having babies? Am I ready to close the door on having more children?

I have been known to say that people who say that they MIGHT be done having kids, aren't. You KNOW people who are "done:" They have DONE something permanent to ensure that they won't have more children! If you haven't, or are playing the "we'll just see what happens" game, you WILL get pregnant again. Mark it down.

So, no, we're not done. We're going to remain open minded for a little bit longer. Our financial situation could change at any time. We could both suddenly realize that we want more kids. Who knows???

As of today, I'm still not sure whether I want to be done having babies. Which, according to my own theory, means that I'm not.

Stay tuned.

Are you a lazy charter?

We're not trying to get pregnant at the moment (and have no plans to any time soon) so my "charting" nowadays is simply making a note once a week or so on my pocket calendar. I WANT to know what's going on with my body and whether certain symptoms or issues are hormone-related but I definitely don't need to be taking my temperature and checking my cervix every day to do that.

So unless you are using FA for contraception, are trying to get pregnant or are trouble-shooting something to do with your cycle, you can be a "lazy charter" and still have a good idea of what is happening.

Why, you ask? Besides simply knowing what is going on with your body, "lazy charting" can be useful if you need to undergo a medical procedure, suspect an accidental pregnancy or are prone to being a hypochondriac.

Here's what I recommend as a bare minimum:

1. Record day 1, the first day of your period. It's good to know when your cycle started and how many days it lasts.

I was shocked to discover that my last two cycles were both 31 days in length. I NEVER normally have cycles that short, nor that consistent in length. Hooray for me! This was during two VERY stressful months (moving across town and my oldest son starting kindergarten), which would have given my body EVERY reason to ovulate LATE and for my cycle to drag on. My cycles are regulating and normalizing! I would've never known that if I hadn't been keeping track.

2. Record any spotting, whether pre-period or mid-cycle. It's just good to know. Spotting can mean a lot of different things, depending on what type it is and when it occurs during your cycle.

I didn't spot before my current cycle which is also very unusual for me. This is good information to have!

3. Make a note of when you think you are your most fertile. You could also record your first dry day, too. This will help you predict when you will start your next cycle and whether a pregnancy could have actually occured.

4. Record having unprotected sex, even if it's early or late in your cycle. Need I say more?

5. Write down any unusual symptoms or ailments throughout the month. Could be that the headaches, strange shooting sensations in your abdomen or mood swings are hormonal and consistent month to month.

I get an upset stomach toward the end of most of my cycles so it's nice to know that I'm most likely NOT "coming down with something." I also tend to get a few high-energy days in the middle of my cycle. I have come to expect these and make my plans accordingly.

I hope this helps for any of you who don't want to do hard-core charting but still want to keep track of what's going on with your body.

Tell me...are YOU a lazy charter? What do you keep track of? How?

I'm a Fertility Nut {and giveaway}

I'm getting used to the "Fertility Nut" title. It's a little strange, being "known" for something. I've recently come to a point where there's no turning back. And now, I don't want to. I want to embrace it.

Friends often introduce me by saying, "This is my friend, Tabitha. She's a fertility nut." Women typically respond in one of two ways: they stare blankly, nod their heads politely and try to change the subject...OR, they blush a little, edge over to within whispering distance and begin a question with, "OK, I just have to ask you..."

Hardly a week goes by that I don't receive an e-mail, Facebook message or text that starts with, "Sorry if this is TMI, but..."

I get so excited when messages start out that way. Really.

I can be innocently eating cake at a family birthday party, pushing my son on a swing at the park or rolling the dice at Bunco and I find myself learning details about a woman's sex life, menstrual cycle or cervical fluid, answering questions about birth control, breastfeeding or ovulation and hearing stories about someone who is pregnant, had a miscarriage or just had a baby.

And I enjoy hearing stories and fielding questions.



"Should we be having sex every day I'm fertile or every-other-day?"

"How long did you nurse your boys?"

"What was your first postpartum period like?"

"What're you supposed to do about a clogged milk duct?"

"How far along were you when you miscarried?"

"How long do sperm survive?"

"Did you ever use an ovulation predictor kit?"

"How long does it take to get back to normal after I stop taking the Pill?"

You get the idea. There is no such thing as TMI anymore. I'm like a doctor: I've heard it all.

And I LOVE IT.



Every new question or situation is a challenge and gets my heart pounding. It's a thrill to teach women about their bodies, read up on the latest fertility research, give out How To Get Pregnant tips, share my miscarriage or pregnancy story, decode fertility charts and advise people on breastfeeding issues.

It's just as much fun as crafting (which is what I USE to be known for)...except it's better, because it really truly helps people and has the potential to change lives forever.



When someone approaches me with, "We're going to start trying to get pregnant and I wanted to ask you..." I actually get chills.

I told ya, it's nutty.

This IS my passion and I want to grow into the Fertility Nut title. It's a bit surreal, being branded and being the "go-to" ANYthing. It's a lot of pressure! And it's personal--for them AND for me.



As a niche, or a "thing" in life, it's kind of...weird. Fertility involves bodily functions, intimacy between couples, birth, hormones and all sorts of private information. There are still people who think these matters should be kept hush-hush.

But I have walked side by side with several women courageously trying to get pregnant after a miscarriage. I have had the priviledge of being asked to pray for a baby even before it was conceived. I have witnessed births. I have heard the stories of abortion, sexual abuse and struggles with PCOS and the way God has used those situations to bring about redemption.

This stuff matters. It needs to be talked about and addressed. Women need the support, encouragement and camaraderie that comes from sharing our stories and our experiences.



Women need ME and what I have to offer. God has allowed me to walk this journey and it is time for me to honor that by taking God Knits to the next level. That is all at once humbling, thrilling and terrifying.

This is important. This is who I am. This is part of the Pleasant Place God has placed me in (Psalm 16:6).

I'm Tabitha and I'm a Fertility Nut.

How may I help you?

......................

{Read my Becoming a Fertility Nut story HERE}.

If you want to maximize your fertility or need one-on-one fertility coaching, e-mail me at tabandrew(at)hotmail.com for more information.

GIVEAWAY!!!! I will give away one copy of my favorite fertility-related book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler {on Amazon}.




TO ENTER, simply leave a comment to this post answering the question "Which area of fertility interests you most: pregnancy, the Fertility Awareness Method, birth control, breastfeeding, miscarriage, nutrition...{or one I didn't name}?"

Becoming a Fertility Nut

I am a self-proclaimed Fertility Nut. Here's the story of how I got that way.

BACKGROUND:
In high school, my friends were actually jealous of me because I had periods so infrequently. Granted, it was kind of nice—but the unpredictability was a little inconvenient at times. I never really wondered what was going on or why my cycles often dragged on for two or three months or more.

When we got engaged in 2002, I was seeing a naturopathic doctor to try to balance my hormones and clear up my skin. I told her I was getting married and needed birth control and she prescribed the Pill for me. I didn’t question it at the time but looking back, I wonder, “What naturopathic doctor prescribes the Pill!?!” If SHE hadn’t suggested a form of natural birth control, I can’t imagine how other women ever find out about it! She also had me pay about $400 for a saliva hormone test, which revealed that my luteal phase is longer than average and suggested that my testosterone levels were slightly out of whack. In case you’re wondering, she gave me some supplements, “prescribed” herbal tinctures (disgusting!) and had me using a castor oil pack on my belly (to supposedly draw toxins out of my liver)—none of which I kept up after the first month. Somewhat ironically, charting is what ultimately helped me deal with my hormonal issues—not her costly and highly impractical prescriptions.

I was on the Pill for our first year of marriage and experienced headaches (and I’m not at all prone to headaches), nausea and weight gain. I didn’t feel well and started wondering about whether the Pill was right for me. Around the same time, I was working as a secretary at an engineering firm and one day, one of the engineers (a kind Catholic man) that knew I was newly married approached me with a brochure. He handed it to me, said, “We never need to speak of this,” and walked away. It was about Natural Family Planning and mentioned how the Pill makes your uterine lining inhospitable to a fertilized egg. So IF we DID fertilize an egg (which has been known to happen while on the Pill), the effects of the Pill would mean the egg couldn’t attach and grow. As a person who believes that life begins at the moment of conception, that bothered me and gave me even more reason to quit taking the Pill. I started praying about it, asking for wisdom about whether to stop the Pill or not. Several days later, my backpack was stolen out of my car and my Pills with it. I felt like my prayer had been answered. “OK, Lord! I’ll stop taking the Pill!” I look at that incident as a major turning point in my life.

FINDING THE FERTILITY AWARENESS METHOD:
I immediately started researching natural birth control options on-line and quickly ordered two books: one on Natural Family Planning and one on the Fertility Awareness Method. We had just moved into our brand new home and my husband was out of town for the weekend so I spent the entire time pouring over those books, sitting on our mattress on the floor and reading by lamplight. I’m not Catholic so some of the concepts of NFP didn’t gel for me so I set it aside. “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler, on the other hand, really opened my eyes to what was happening in my body and was practical, easy to follow and down-to-earth. I read the entire thing in one day, purchased a digital basal thermometer and started filling out a chart immediately.



THE DISCOVERY PROCESS:
I was amazed at what I learned and the most amazing thing was that a typical chart for me was identical to the one the lab sent me with the $400 price tag. I could say that the information you gain from charting is invaluable but it’s more accurate to say that it saves you at least $400, the cost of two doctor’s visits AND 40 days of spitting into a vial every morning!

My first cycle coming off the Pill was annovulatory, meaning that I didn’t ovulate. I could tell because my temperatures remained mostly the same and the cycle dragged on for well over 40 days. The bleeding I eventually experienced was simply due to hormone withdrawal.

I learned some interesting things about my body in my first year or so of charting. #1, I ovulate much later than average, at around day 35 instead of day 14, making my cycles about 50 days long instead of 28. #2, sometimes I wouldn’t ovulate, then would try again within the same cycle (by the way, this has to do with reaching an “estrogen threshold” that I’ll address in future posts). Again, this resulted in much longer cycles than average. But, when we were “trying” to get pregnant, it meant I had a second shot at it! #3, I didn’t ovulate when I traveled OR when I was stressed—good OR bad stress. My body seemed to know when something was out of the ordinary, whether it was a vacation getaway or the week of my teacher evaluations. My body said, “NO! We can’t get pregnant NOW!” This is a good thing (no one wants to get pregnant during a natural disaster or when a loved one is sick), unless you are desperately “trying” to get pregnant, of course. It is just our body’s way of preventing pregnancy when the timing isn’t right.

With charting, I also came to realize that things like stomach upset, skin break-outs, fatigue and even an increased sense of smell were predictable from chart to chart and, thus, clearly hormonal. For the purposes of getting pregnant, I was also able to track patterns of spotting, abdominal cramps and pelvic pain to help me interpret my charts and maximize my fertile window. Just knowing I was—or wasn’t—ovulating made charting worth the effort.

BECOMING A WAY OF LIFE:
I will admit that charting quickly became a way of life and, as a person who likes checking off boxes and filling in blanks, I enjoyed the actual charting AND the information they gave me. I would dream that I woke up and forgot to take my temperature, just to wake up and think, “Did I already take it!?!” I actually looked forward to filling in the information at the end of the day to see what it could mean. I spent a lot of time studying my charts and reading about all the possible explanations for my patterns. I congratulated myself when I turned out to be right about when I ovulated or when I predicted to start my next cycle. I was truly amazed at what I was learning AND, it only cost me the expense of a $10 thermometer and the cost of printer ink!

FAM IN REAL LIFE:
My husband and I have used FAM successfully for almost eight years now. It took us about three cycles of “trying” with our first son (Drew had an uncanny way of being out of town when I was most fertile) then we got pregnant on the first time with both subsequent pregnancies. And we’ve never had a “surprise” pregnancy. With my unusual cycle patterns, I truly believe that learning FAM was a gift. Without charting, I truly believe that I would have been trying to time fertilization during the typical fertile window (days 12-16 or so), then would have gotten to day 30 and beyond and thought I was pregnant. How heart-breaking! I am so grateful to have learned what I did to help me maximize my own fertility, especially since I’m only fertile about eight times during a calendar year instead of the usual twelve. Without FAM, I am sure the financial and emotional cost would have been tremendous. Learning to interpret and trust my own body is truly priceless.

What have you learned from charting your cycles? OR...what would you gain to learn from charting?

Please contact me with questions, or just leave a comment.

{{COMING SOON! Fertility Awareness and PCOS}}

Eye Pillows & Nightlighting

When you hear "nightlighting," does this come to mind??



In the world of Fertility, it's a specific approach to regulating irregular cycles. My cycles were always irregular as a teen and young adult. At the time, I liked it because I got about half as many periods as my friends but when I was trying to get pregnant, that meant my chances for conceiving were cut in half. I only had about eight chances to get pregnant in a year (assuming my husband wasn't out of town when I was fertile, which happened quite a lot).

I read about nightlighting in the book Garden of Fertility

To try to boost my progesterone levels and shorten my cycles with my first pregnancy, we actually put up room darkening shades, turned off nightlights and covered our digital clocks....but what I didn't realize was that the element that helped the most was one I was already using: an eye pillow.



Eye pillows are typically made out of lavender buds and flax seeds and are used during yoga, to help ease migraines or to help you relax in preparation for sleep.

The weight on your eyes actually "forces" your eyes and face to relax. I use to be a person who sorted out my day (and my life) in the hour or so it took me to fall asleep at night. Using an eye pillow helped me relax, slow my thoughts and go to sleep more quickly.

There was an added bonus when it came time for "night lighting:" it blocked out excess light during the night. I relied so much on my pillow that I taught myself to readjust it when I changed positions at night.

The bottom line is, the night lighting concept affects your circadian rhythm, which affects hormone levels. Progesterone levels are very important for sustaining a healthy pregnancy and all I can say is that it did work at shortening my cycles, and I used it throughout my (100% perfect) first pregnancy.

If you need to shorten your cycles or just need to relax before going to sleep, I highly recommend looking into getting an eye pillow!

I found similar eye pillows to mine in Little Peeps Etsy shop.

I love this Eye Pillow Company web site, too (pictured below).



Here's some great information on Night Lighting {just scroll down about half way}

Let me know if you have any questions or if you try it!

Eye pillows & night lighting

When you hear "night lighting," does this come to mind??



In the world of Fertility, it's a specific approach to regulating irregular cycles. My cycles were always irregular as a teen and young adult. It was nice then because I got about half as many periods as my friends but when I was trying to get pregnant, that meant my chances for conceiving were cut in half. I only had about eight chances to get pregnant in a year (assuming my husband wasn't out of town when I was fertile, which happened quite a lot).

We actually put up room darkening shades, turned off nightlights and covered our digital clocks....but what I didn't realize was that the element that helped the most was one I was already using: an eye pillow.

Eye pillows are typically made out of lavender buds and flax seeds and are used during yoga, to help ease migraines or to help you relax in preparation for sleep.
The weight on your eyes actually "forces" your eyes and face to relax. I use to be a person who sorted out my day (and my life) in the hour or so it took me to fall asleep at night. Using an eye pillow helped me relax, slow my thoughts and go to sleep more quickly.

There was an added bonus when it came time for "night lighting:" it blocked out excess light during the night. I relied so much on my pillow that I taught myself to readjust it when I changed positions at night.

The bottom line is, the night lighting concept affects your circadian rhythm, which affects hormone levels. Progesterone levels are very important for sustaining a healthy pregnancy and all I can say is that it did work at shortening my cycles, and I used it throughout my (100% perfect) first pregnancy.

This was the book I used.
Garden of Fertility

I got my eye pillow from Breath by Breath on Etsy.

Here's some great information on Night Lighting {just scroll down about half way}

Tab's Top 10 Tips :: How to Get Pregnant

I'm a planner. Toward the end of 2004, when my husband and I decided to start "trying" to get pregnant, I went to my ob/gyn for a well woman/pre-conception visit. I showed her my fertility chart and told her we were going to try to get pregnant and she said, "Well, the best thing you can do is just have sex when you're fertile."

Riiiiiight. Thanks for that. A $25 co-pay well spent.

But...that's the best that most ob/gyns can do for us. At least she offered slightly more than the common, "Just have lots of sex!" advice most give out.

Most ob/gyns know very little about the the actual nitty-gritty of fertility and are not familiar with charting. They know the basics of the menstrual cycle and of conception, of course, but they certainly don't have the time to sit with a pregnancy hopeful to teach her how to fill out and interpret a fertility chart. My doctor looked at mine and nodded but I doubt she really knew what she was looking at. She certainly didn't study my chart to give me any personal recommendations as to how to increase my chances for conceiving. That was my job.

So. How do you increase your chances for conceiving during any given cycle? Some of these are Fertility Awareness-specific recommendations and some are more "generic." I'll add links to specific articles and research as time goes by.

1. Have sex when you're fertile.



HA! My doctor's advice was true!! OK, granted, but there's more to it than that. The most current research says that it's ideal to have sex 24 hours BEFORE ovulation, so that the sperm is there waiting when the egg is released. So when you have fertile fluid, certainly do have sex. And keep having sex until you dry up or get a definite temperature shift to indicate ovulation has occurred.

Haven't been charting long enough to know for sure yet when you're fertile? Having sex 3-4 times/week all month is a sure-fire way to go until you can narrow it down to the 2-3 days prior to ovulation.

2. Consider having sex every-other-day when you're fertile to conserve sperm. Save the sperm for when you are at your most fertile--meaning you're experiencing a lot of egg white cervical mucous. Those egg whites are VERY sperm-friendly and make an excellent conduit. The more slippery, the better!

In FAM terms, this is your "peak day." Once the egg white fluid starts (or whatever your most fertile fluid is), I'd advise to have sex every-other day. BUT, on your peak day, definitely have sex. Your peak day is always the best day to have sex. I'd advise you to have sex the next day, too.

** Note: If you're using an ovulation prediction kit, if it comes back positive, you're likely to ovulate within 36 hours so I'd advise having sex at least every 24 hours until your dry up.



3. Experiment with positions. The newest research suggests that practically any sexual position is good for baby-making, as long as the sperm can get to the cervix. So have fun! :) The goal is simply to get the sperm where it needs to go!

4. Elevate your hips following intercourse.


{any pillow will do}

There is some controversy on this point but I say, "Why not??" Unless you're experiencing super-duper fertile fluid (which is THE best indicator that ovulation is imminent and conception is likely to occur), it can't hurt to let the sperm "pool" at your cervix for 5-10 minutes following intercourse.

5. Look for a second opportunity to ovulate. If you don't ovulate when you expect to, don't panic....you may get another shot. Our body has to reach an "estrogen threshold" to release the egg and sometimes our body tries, doesn't quite get there and tries again. This is why charting is so important and could be why some of your cycles are extra-long. Say you're fertile on day 14 but your hormones don't allow for ovulation. Then your body will gear up to ovulate again around day 21, making your cycle last 35 or so days instead of 28. Treat this second "fertility window" just like the first and aim to have sex on your peak day.

6. Be aware that your first few cycles after a miscarriage are particularly strong. Women often get pregnant on the very next cycle following a miscarriage, or within the 2-5 months following a miscarriage. Your body has purged and cleaned out your uterus, paving the way for a subsequent pregnancy.

** NOTE: The same is true when you are coming off of the Pill. Give your body a couple of cycles to purge and adjust, then start trying!

7. Be fat and lazy.



Ok, not really, but be aware that being under weight and/or exercising too much can affect your fertility. Notice how celebrities often have fertility problems. Also notice how thin they are and how hard they work to stay that way. And there ya go. You may need to gain some weight and tone down the exercise regime to increase your fertility.

8. Keep stress in check. You've heard the stories. A couple tries for years to have a baby, then they finally "stop trying" and start the adoption process. Around the time the adoption comes through, they get pregnant. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think people are so focused on getting pregnant and are so stressed during every cycle that when they finally relax and breathe a sigh of relief and "let go..." BAM! They get pregnant.

A dear friend I was working with recently to help her get pregnant had been charting religiously and hadn't gotten pregnant yet. On her last cycle, she was so fed up that she stopped charting and taking her temperatures and took a weekend getaway to New York. She had a great time, drank a little too much and had a lot of "fun" with her husband. Wouldn't you know it--that's the cycle when she got pregnant! It pays to relax.

As a personal example, I would have annovulatory cycles when I traveled. From a biological standpoint, it makes sense that we wouldn't want to get pregnant when we're away from home. I attribute it to stress, even the "good stress" associated with a vacation. My body knew something was amiss.

Stress, especially long periods of excessive stress, absolutely affects fertility. So try to relax during the process and be intentional about taking care of yourself so that you don't let stress hormones run amuck. I'll be posting more about this soon.

9. Keep track of secondary fertility signs. This is very unique to each woman. Some women actually feel ovulation. If you notice pains in the middle of your cycle or when you have fertile fluid, make sure to keep track of it. Some women have mid-cycle spotting or spotting upon ovulation (a trace amount of blood when the egg erupts). If you see a tiny amount of pink or brown in your fertile fluid, this is an excellent sign that you are at your most fertile. Have sex on those days!!

Other women notice things like pimples, stomach aches, migraines, etc. around the time of ovulation. Just keep track of these things so you know what fertility signs to look for.

10. Take advantage of your increased libido. Most women actually want to have more sex when they're fertile--imagine that!! Many women notice that their senses seem to be "on alert" when they're near ovulation. If you can name the brand of cologn the bag boy is wearing, it's a good sign that ovulation is imminent!

These are just a few ideas. The best advice is to know your own body. Please feel free to leave your own tips--or what has worked for you--in the comments.