What to expect postpartum

This is great information for expecting moms about what to expect postpartum!

What Nobody Told Me About Mesh Panties

 

The 51/49 boy/girl issue

Most of us have heard the statistic that having a boy vs. a girl isn't exactly 50/50 but is actually 51% boy and 49% girl for any given pregnancy.

I have conversations fairly often on this topic and I always give them the synopsis of my own research (the Shettles method, adjusting the woman's pH balance, positions to use during intercourse, etc.) then end with, "It's probably just a 50/50 chance no matter what."

That goes for families with two or three of the same gender, too!

Turns out that I was probably right.

This is one of the more interesting studies I have seen about this topic from:

InGender.com

Some tidbits from the research:

• The odds of having a girl seem to decrease after having each boy, but only very slightly. Even after 3 boys, you are only 6.4% more likely to have a 4th boy than a girl.

• The odds of having a boy seem to increase after having girls, except after 2 girls, when a 3rd girl is more likely.

It looks like you are slightly more likely to have a boy, regardless of previous children. This is probably due to the overall 51/49 boy/girl birth ratio. This ratio, interestingly, varies slightly with birth order; it isn't consistent among first-borns, second-borns, etc.

Their conclusion:

The truth is, your odds stay pretty close to 50% for each child and only vary slightly. 

If you have had 2 or 3 boys, you are only about 2% to 6% more likely to have another boy. If you have had girls, you are slightly more likely to have a boy next.

ABOUT THAT GIRL

For me, this means that, yes, there is a slightly (VERY slightly) higher chance of us having another boy this time around (just like ANY time around!)...but there IS a 73-75% chance that we will have a girl in our three-child mix! :) 

I Suppose I Have Something to Prove

I saw that picture on the "My Babies" page of me with Andrew in the recovery room and my heart just about fell out of my body. Nothing beats bringing another human being into the world.

Yesterday, Ethan drug a toy out of the garage that he received for his first Christmas when he was seven months old. Last night, his big brother put it together and they played with it for quite a while. I asked if Ethan wanted to see pictures of him as a baby when we first got it. We spent half an hour looking through pictures of Christmas 2009 and I couldn't stop smiling. There was a picture of me hugging seven-month-old Ethan super-tight and he looked at it and I said, "That mama loves that baby so much!" and he laughed and grabbed me for a hug. I could have melted into the floor.

The truth is, I have amazing pregnancies and I birth incredibly healthy, beautiful, happy, 'easy' babies and  I absolutely adore being a mom. Even on my worst days, which are far and few between, I always think, "I could do it all again." I don't think I'm 'done.'

The crazy thing is, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. This will be Ethan's last year before starting kindergarten and both of the boys are in phases where they are really independent and low-maintenance. I have a lot of freedom and I enjoy it and take advantage of it!

I am 35 now. I love the writing, blogging, networking and volunteering I participate in! I love my life!

So, yeah, the idea of "starting over" with a new baby is daunting. But what's even more daunting is the idea of getting one, five or twenty years down the road and wishing I had added to our family when I had the chance--which is NOW.

I'm not getting any younger and the boys would be a minimum of almost five and over eight years apart in age. The clock is ticking.

But there's a catch. My husband wants me to cut back on my work so I can focus on our boys, our home and eventually a healthy pregnancy and adding another munchkin to our brood.

It's wildly exciting. And scary.

So I have almost one full month before we go on vacation to Florida and will be fertile again so my hubby is giving me until we leave on the trip to dial back on my businesses and to figure out how to work WAY less hours and put WAY more time into our home and family. Gulp.

I am up for the challenge. I will prove to him that I am ready to start trying again and that I'm ready to have another baby (and raise another child). My mother's heart knows that I am ready and willing, God willing.

There's really nothing more important to adding to our family and now is the time.

 

Oh, boy!

Well, well, well.

It seems that I am experiencing my Peak Day today on cycle day 17, approximately 14 days prior to my next cycle. I should ovulate today or tomorrow. All good.

And there's this:

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!! That'd be a riot!!!

And now begins the Two Week Wait. Siiiiigghhhh.

 

Trying for a girl

My husband can't seem to get past it.

Everyone just assumes we want to.

I haven't been able to quiiiiiite let it go yet.

My extended family is still holding out hope.

My two sons are split on the topic.

What is it??

HAVING A GIRL.

My mom is my best friend. I can imagine having a little "mini me." In fact, before Andrew was born, I could picture myself with anything other than a daughter!

{image from parentingpink.com}

I NEED someone to pass my jewelry, collectibles and treasures on to AND it would be VERY fun to teach a daughter everything I know about God, beauty, men and LIFE. I've always said that it would be cool to having the experience of raising both genders. 

But as I've already said, I WILL NOT go into a pregnancy in hopes of specifically getting a girl. I'm not even convinced that I WANT a girl! They are rumored to be more clingy, needy, emotional (well, that one is a fact), harder to raise and to cost more money. Plus, do I REALLY want the competition for attention?? I am very happy being the queen of the castle--I'm not sure I want a princess!

I am a self-proclaimed Fertility Nut. I bet I could increase our odds of having a girl. And if we decided that we really WANT a girl, and we asked God to help us out...I bet He'd be OK with it.

So the question still goes back to, "Do we want to have another child?" And if so, do we want to "try for a girl"?

My heart seems to be drawn to the idea of adding one more munchkin to our brood. Just not quite yet. I'd like to get my thyroid check and get into better shape and I'd like to help our family get into a better financial position. But...there's always next year.

I'll be looking into it. And thinking it over. And praying about it.

The story continues!

How do you 'walk by faith' in this?

Drew, Andrew and me, walking for our family pictures, December 2007. Andrew was two.

Not much has changed around here in the baby department, meaning that we're still in the 'no desire to have another baby right now but not ruling out the future possibility, either' phase.

Andrew is now well over six years old and Ethan is now three years and three months old and people must think we're 'done' because hardly anyone asks anymore if we're having more kids! Even my mother-in-law has laid off for the time being.

I have just been reading over my old blog entries about our miscarriage and Ethan's conception, pregnancy and birth and while I did adore being pregnant and having a baby, my heart doesn't say, "I want to do it again!" Nor do I feel like there is a person missing from our family or like I WANT another child (as of today).

BUT. Am I going to get a few years down the road and WISH I'd have done it now?? Are the boys going to be grown and I'm going to wish we'd have had the faith to just dive in and have more kids when we'd had the chance?

I refuse to live a life of regrets. I do not operate out of a place of fear.

So the question is, how do I 'walk by faith' when it comes to the future of our family? Is faith plunging in now, saying, "We're going to do this with faith that God will bless our baby and our family," and trust Him with the outcome...or having the faith to say, "I don't feel the heart-urge right now, so if the time does become right, God will faithfully tell us when that is." I think My 'leap of faith' is to NOT get pregnant now, BECAUSE it isn't a desire of my heart right now...knowing that I'm not 'missing' the opportunity somehow.

I do not want to limit God, or dictate what He can or will do! I don't want to add another child to our family right now. I am trusting God to give us another child in His perfect timing, if that is His will.

I refuse to believe that there is some sort of 'window of opportunity' that I might miss, just like I refuse to believe that there is a 'target' of His will and that only one option is 'on the mark' and the rest of them are 'off.' I have freedom to choose...and He has the power to move and speak as He wishes, to HIS glory and MY benefit!

So for now, I don't want to get pregnant. That could change at any time.

I will walk by faith, knowing that God is in control and will lead us down this path, just as He has so faithfully done before, whether that results in a new addition to our family or not.

Want to read more of my pondering on whether to expand our family? I pondered this topic back in February of this year, too.

ARE we having more kids?

That's me, above, the happy mother of two sons.

I am a very happy, content woman these days. I am truly "living the dream!" We're living two minutes from my parents' house, I have a new home-based business doing what I love as a Mary Kay independent beauty consultant, I have several on-going writing projects in the works, I'm enjoying my home, my friends and my new church, my marriage is going into it's tenth wonderful year and I'm thrilled with my two precious boys. And I have no regrets.

Then there's the "Are you guys having more kids?" question. It is a monumental question. A HUGE question!

Somewhat unfortunately, it's not simply a question of whether our hearts could grow to hold enough love for a third child, or whether we're up for raising another kid. There is so much more to it than that, some practical and some more emotional. Do I want to be pregnant and give birth again? Can we afford a third child, now and in the long run? Do we want a seven-plus year age gap between the oldest and youngest? Do we want our baby Ethan to be a middle child? After two amazingly wonderful pregnancies and incredibly healthy boys, do we really want to roll the dice again??



We're in a really good place right now as a family. Our boys keep us on our toes and our life is very exciting and fulfilling. We have what we need but not much extra. We often look at each other and say, "Let's be done having kids. Let's just raise the two we've got well."

Then.

Eleven o' clock at night this past week and we're going to bed. "Y'know..." my husband says. "I bet you're always going to want a daughter."

GULP.

I don't FEEL like there's someone missing from our family. I don't have a burning desire to raise a girl. In fact, after two boys, the idea of parenting a daughter kind of terrifies me!!

But am I denying that heart desire of having a daughter? Am I repressing a deep yearning for a little girl?

I am girly. I can envision the tea parties, ballet classes, shopping, girl talk and planning a wedding. I have a special bond with my own mother and grandmother and would I like to experience that with a daughter of my own? Maybe.

A dear, wise friend with two grown sons once told me, "You'll get daughters someday. But they'll already be raised." I love that idea!

BUT. I have already resigned myself to NOT trying to get pregnant with the intention of "getting" a specific gender. For one thing, I wouldn't want to set myself up for disappointment. The only tears I'd want in the ultrasound room are happy tears. For another, I don't want a third son who thinks he's the disappointing "too bad you weren't the girl we wanted" kid. Lastly, I don't even really KNOW whether I'd prefer a boy vs. a girl!

I THOUGHT I wanted a girl with my first pregnancy. I didn't really make a request before we got pregnant. Of course once you're pregnant, it's too late to make requests. At that point, you just have to ask God to prepare your heart for whichever one it is. Anyway, I couldn't really imagine myself with a son and people would tell me, "I can't picture you with a boy." Well, when Andrew was born, my heart soared. I knew that he was perfect for me and that my heart was meant to be the mom to a son.



When we had the ultrasound with #2, I suspected that it was a boy and was happy with that. When it was confirmed, I was thrilled. I loved the idea of having two sons! BROTHERS! Some people thought I was disappointed that it wasn't a girl but I wasn't. It just felt like it was meant to be. Having two boys has been an extraordinary joy and something I wouldn't trade for anything.



Now I KNOW that I am cut out for mothering boys. I love how independent and active they are. I love seeing them interact with their daddy. I actually enjoy the noise and chaos and there's something special about being the adored mother of sons.

The REAL question, then, is...am I done having babies? Am I ready to close the door on having more children?

I have been known to say that people who say that they MIGHT be done having kids, aren't. You KNOW people who are "done:" They have DONE something permanent to ensure that they won't have more children! If you haven't, or are playing the "we'll just see what happens" game, you WILL get pregnant again. Mark it down.

So, no, we're not done. We're going to remain open minded for a little bit longer. Our financial situation could change at any time. We could both suddenly realize that we want more kids. Who knows???

As of today, I'm still not sure whether I want to be done having babies. Which, according to my own theory, means that I'm not.

Stay tuned.

Baby's First Year Necessities

A dear friend who is pregnant with her first baby recently asked me, "What were the things you couldn't live without with your babies?"

I remember being newly pregnant and seeing the gazillions of "new baby essentials" listed on websites and in magazines and hoping I'd register for and get what I really wanted and not just a bunch of STUFF that I'd wish I could exchange for more diapers. So what do you really NEED for the baby's first year?

My real advice, by the way, would be more like, "Put your money toward a second honeymoon before the baby arrives," or "Start a college fund instead," or even "Tell people to save their money and babysit for free later on."

Nevertheless...off the top of my head, and based on going back over pictures of Ethan's first year, here (in no particular order) are my TOP TWENTY BABY'S FIRST YEAR NECESSITIES {a.k.a. "My favorite STUFF people gave us for our babies."}


1. Robeez shoes in a 6-12 months and/or 12-18 months size. They're best for the cruising and early walking phase. There are plenty of knock-offs around (just look for leather-like material and a stretchy opening) but I have found Robeez at Ross cheap.


2. A play mat, preferably with fun stuff to explore on the mat itself and overhead, so they can use it on their tummy (supervised, of course) or their back.


3. A bouncy seat. These are perfect to give mom's arms a break. I'm an attached mama who loves to hold my babies but I still had to eat or type an e-mail occasionally! My boys also liked to be rocked (usually with my foot) to sleep in them, too. Some vibrate, play music, etc. Options are fun!


4. A Bumbo seat is super-fun for "helping" baby sit up and for supporting them as they learn. Babies feel so big in it! I used mine as a booster seat when Ethan started solid foods, too. They're about $30 new and are best for babies from the time they can hold their head up well to when they become mobile, so I recommend borrowing one of these or getting one second hand.


5. Boppies are great! They make a good nursing pillow for mom and a nice pillow for Baby, too, for tummy time or on the play mat.


Ethan slept on his, too, but only when I was right next to him, of course. They're so comfy-cozy, who could resist??


6. Books are fantastic, of course, and the more graphic, the better! Babies love to be read it and love to look at the pictures. It's never too early to start building their vocabulary! Look for ones that have different textures they can feel, too.


Soft books they can chew and hold are also a great idea.


7. I thought (being an attached, baby-wearing Mom) that I wouldn't need a travel system. HA! I lasted a month before I BEGGED for one! This Graco version was just over $100 and worth every penny! The "system" involves an infant seat...


...a base for your car and the stroller itself, so that the carrier can be clipped into the car then into the stroller (hopefully while baby stays asleep). Most babies outgrow the infant seat (and/or become too heavy) at about 6 months, but the stroller can be used for years.


8. ALSO, a light, easily portable stroller comes in handy, too. These are for later in the first year but come in handy for short excursions or navigating small spaces. This "Jeep" stroller was great over rough terrain, including gravel parking lots and even dirt trails.


9. Baby toys. Ones they can hold (like this rattle) and ones that are crinkly, have ribbons to chew on, are bold in color, etc. There are oodles out there and it's fun to have a few tucked away in the car and diaper bag when you need to "change things up."


Ones with wheels are fun for encouraging crawling, too.


And...babies DO love looking at themselves!


10. Burp cloths. These can be as simple as a plain cloth diaper or embroidered, be-ribboned, etc. It's fun to have a few cute ones for when you're out and about. Obviously they're great to place over your shoulder or on your lap when you're burping your baby but they're great for wiping up all sorts of messes. They have a lot of other uses, too. You really can't have too many.


11. A stretchy blanket for swaddling. This one (above and below) had a "thermal" feel and was stretchy and oh-so soft. And it was made from organic cotton! It was great for nursing under, swaddling and just for Ethan to chew on. Get half a dozen, some fancy, some simple.




12. Somewhere for the baby to sleep near you in the early days. I had a mini Arm's Reach co-sleeper (as pictured above)....

...and bassinets are good, too, of course.


13. Somewhere for the baby to eat. High chairs are cute and may be convenient for some lifestyles but a simple booster seat works just as well, and typically young eaters like being "in the action" at the table, anyway.


14. While we're on it, I loved these soft-tipped spoons for Baby's first meals, the ones below are made by Gerber.



Along the same vein, these (Munchkin brand) mesh feeders were cool, too, for letting them try "big" food without the choking worry. Ethan's love of strawberries started here. I just let him go to town on them!


15. Diapers and wipes. I happen to love the Costco/Kirkland brand diapers AND wipes are top-of-the-line and a great value.


I do love the Pampers Swaddlers for the first few weeks. They have a line that changes color when the baby pees, which comes in handy in the early days when you're wondering if they're wet.


16. Lots of simple sleepers, onesies, creepers and rompers to go with the seasons. You can look through this post to see what MY baby wore day in and day out! :) Most of the time, comfort is your one and only priority but certainly have a few "cute" outfits for church, pictures, visits to Grandma's, etc.


A few pairs of light cotton pants for covering their legs if you'll be in air conditioning or cool weather. Think COMFY!


17. A baby bathtub. I can't recommend one because the one we had with Andrew didn't work very well (it was convertible = complicated) and Ethan took baths in the sink. I'd say, the simpler the better. You'll get 862 washcloths, too. You probably only need a half-dozen at the most. I usually just cleaned their faces with a washcloth and used my hands for the rest.


18. Burt's Bees (or some other type of body care/bath products). My vote is the more natural, the better. The Burt's Bees hair and body wash and lotion are wonderful and smell amazing. There are many other natural products available, Burt's Bees is just my favorite, and easy to buy from most big-box retailers.


19. Medicine chest items. I love these baby safety scissors. I would NEVER recommend trying to clip a baby's fingernails. Scary!!

A nasal aspirator. HATE using them, but gotta have them. GET THREE. Somehow they're always missing when you need one most.


These homeopathic teething tablets seemed to help when our boys were teething.

You need plenty of other items (thermometer, medicine dispenser, diaper rash cream, etc....these were just ones I had strong recommendations for.


20. A nursing cover (like the Hooter Hider, shown above). ANY nursing cover will give you the privacy and confidence you need to nurse whenever and wherever you need to.

THIS IS NOT AN ALL-INCLUSIVE LIST!! I didn't use pacifiers or bottles, I didn't have a crib, my boys hated wearing bibs, I didn't decorate a nursery, my kids were almost never sick...so there are some items missing. These are what I used and loved. If you see something missing, FEEL FREE TO ASK and I'll be happy to help!

And here are a few "would-be-nices" that come to mind:


1. A swing. Nice to keep baby happy (some nap in them, too) but expensive. Best to borrow or get second hand.


2. Hooded towels. You'll get 15 of them but you really only need one or two. Can you dry your baby off in a regular towel? Yeeessss, but these are so cute for pictures!


3. A jumperoo. This is great when they're getting tired of playing on the floor all day and are itching to be upright and can be used until they get too heavy/big for it. Expensive, so again, borrowed or second-hand is nice.

I HOPE THIS HELPS! Again, let me know if I've forgotten something or you want or need a recommendation for a specific item--I'm sure I'll be updating this list as more items come to mind!