Thursday, March 17, 2011

No turning back

It was early January and my husband and I were driving home from a weekend getaway with my family and the boys were asleep in the back of the van when we got to talking about fulfilling our purpose.

I said, "I kinda always thought I'd do a conference type of thing. Get women together, have a theme, tell my stories, talk about what we've been through. Eat breakfast, encourage each other. I'd love that."

My husband said, "You should just put it on the calendar and do it."

I said I'd think about it.

I could certainly have turned back then.

I had it in the back of my mind when our pastor started a sermon series on The Kingdom of God and challenged us to think about how WE could advance the kingdom with our own unique contribution. I kept feeling little jabs in my spirit {and occasionally from my husband during church}.

I thought back to when the miscarriage happened and I'd told God, "Whatever story You write in my life, I'll use it to encourage other woman on their journey." I didn't know that it would be the first of many, many times that I surrendered to God. He has done an amazing work in my life and, despite some real "lows" along the way, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I knew it was time to tell my story.

I'm on the teaching team at church but, as I'd described to my husband, I wanted to write my OWN curriculum and present it in more of a "conference setting," which would be...different. Despite being nervous about bringing it up to my pastor, I sat down with him and described my vision, hoping to get his approval for the event. To my surprise, he didn't just approve but actually got excited about it and said, "Go for it!" Within the two weeks following, we set a date and reserved a room on our church campus.

I could definitely have cancelled the event at that point.

About a month ago, right after our pastor finished the Kingdom series and started a Launch series, he invited me up front to "advertise" my event. I also started taking sign-ups for the event and handing out fliers.

I suppose I still could have postponed it or cancelled altogether.

Now it's two days away. There are fifteen ladies who RSVPd that they're coming. We ordered food, there's a guy coming to set up tables and I have a pile of awesome door prizes. I also e-mailed my participant's guide and survey to the church office to have copies made. My sister-in-law created a Power Point for me and I finally created a playlist on my ipod, just for the event. My mom is picking up flowers to use for centerpieces.

No doubt....there's no turning back now.

I even picked out the dress, jewelry and shoes I'm wearing. Talk about "official."

I've had many moments of wondering, "What was I thinking when I signed on for this!?!" If I think about it too much, it's somewhat terrifying. I've been up past midnight every night this week, making my final revisions. My boys have been baby-sat by the television for days on end, without leaving the house. My brain is on over-load, trying not to forget anything. I keep making changes to my outline. I wonder if any of this even matters and whether the women coming will get something out of it.

But there's no turning back now.

And everyone I've talked to has said, "We need this."

I know God orchestrated this event. Now I just have to lay down the baton and trust Him to lead.

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