Thursday, January 24, 2013

Time Flies

I did my journal entry on Countdown to Pregnancy tonight and realized that it was the first one for this cycle. I'm already at CD 16, almost at the start of the Two Week Wait already!

It's not that I've been busy...I just haven't been as focused on getting pregnant. I've barely picked up my chart and I've only recorded a few pertinent details here and there. I seem to actually be....relaxed!

We are "trying" for this cycle, with an October 18th EDD (Expected Due Date). There's nothing particularly special about getting pregnant this cycle, or about the due date. Again, I don't have a "feeling" either way.

We're kind of in a "what will be, will be" mode, and that's fine by me!

P.S. Age 35 and conception in January?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

The place between fear and joy

One moment I think about the possibility of bringing another human into the world and my heart soars. The next moment, I think about pregnancy aches and pains, giving birth, caring for a newborn, another 18 years added to the clock, the world we're leaving to our grandchildren and the rising costs of raising a child and I break out into a cold sweat.

Every time I start a new cycle, there is a tiny little shred of "Phew, dodged a bullet on that one" yet every time I get to the end of a cycle, all I can hope for is that second line on a pregnancy test.

I had a hard time toward the end of my last pregnancy, including loss of appetite, anxiety, losing weight and spending entire days at a time on the couch while my son watched movies all day.

I give every new baby two years with me--nursing on demand, no overnight trips and even sleeping in the same bed. Two years of baby as #1. I love it that way, but it is a non-negotiable, which means that husband, hobbies and 'work' come after Baby.

Having another baby is undeniably scary. And once you GET pregnant, there's no turning back!

But, oooohhhh....babies. Children!!! My offspring!! The JOY!!! Being able to be pregnant, give birth and raise another child is an honor and a privilege that I do not take lightly.

You get to birth a brand new human into the world. You get a baby to hold and nurse and smell and cuddle. You get to experience every milestone and enjoy other people enjoying your child. There are celebrations, lessons learned, teaching, playing, family events, cousins, trips, holidays....the JOY! You get to watch siblings interact and personalities emerge and dream about how your munchkin will change the world someday. It is truly a miracle.

Fear, shmear. Give me JOY!

Two Week Wait: no news yet

Only 11 days past ovulation, cycle day 28, still 3-4 days until I would start a new cycle.****

Had to try with a $1 today because if we conceive this cycle, there's a surprise involved...and I could have passed on the news today and it would have been really fun!

But, alas, no news yet.

As I've mentioned before, I got a lot of negatives with $1 tests, even the same day I got a + on other tests, so... I'll keep on hoping for the best!

I was also about 13-14 dpo with past pregnancies, so I may just implant late.

Here's my most recent test on Countdown To Pregnancy:

****UPDATE! This cycle ended two days later on January 8th. The news would have been that I was due on my dad's birthday but, alas, that didn't happen. We'll have to see how the story unfolds!