Monday, December 28, 2015

2015 wrap-up

I cannot believe 2015 is about to come to a close. It's been a really incredible year with many amazing opportunities. It's also been exhausting!

Here are a few reflections and updates for you.

We are in fact still TTC (Trying To Conceive). I'm not taking any drastic measures, we're just doing what we know to do and trusting God. There are days when I'm not sure I can handle starting over, and other days when I ache to bring another child into the we just take it a day at a time and remain "open to life."

Two years ago, I kicked my sugar addiction. And I've been gluten, wheat and cow's milk-free for about 18 months and I feel better than I have in, well, my entire life.

This was me right around my birthday in November 2015, wearing my second-hand top and size 6 Levi's!

The boys are now 10 (yikes!) and 6. They're so precious and we are incredibly blessed that they are kind, smart, strong, thoughtful boys, and so good to each other. They both earned new belts recently in karate and are getting all As in school. They love playing video games, making up stories to act out with their Angry Birds plushies, and riding their scooters to the park.

Andrew age 10 and Ethan age 6

I'm making some adjustment for my business in 2016, primarily because I want to publish a book about the miscarriage story. My main focus is helping work-at-home moms elevate their image and expand their influence so they can have their work, family and faith in harmony and pursue God's best for their lives. You can find out more on my work with me page.

For this space, I hope to encourage more women in 2016 who are experiencing unexpected setbacks on the journey of motherhood, from infertility to unplanned pregnancies. My work at the Pregnancy Care Center of Chandler will continue and I hope to host some support groups as well.

In 2016, I hope to get back to walking, yoga, herbs and essential oils--some of my loves that were placed on the back burner for too long!!

If you're reading, I'd love to connect with you so feel free to email me at or say hello on my Facebook page.

Let me know how I can support you or what you'd like for me to blog about!

Wishing you all the best in 2016 and beyond.


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It's October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 

My candle is lit tonight as I honor the mamas who have lost babies or who have struggled with infertility as well as those who have aborted babies. If you are one of those women, I'm praying for you tonight.

When we had an early miscarriage in 2009, I was very honest about what happened and was AMAZED at how many other women had lost babies. It's heart breaking. And it's the reason I started God Knits.

I do have a private Facebook group for God Knits if you'd care to join, where we can support and encourage each other (or vent or cry or whatever you want). It's private but I believe you can request to be added.

God Knits Facebook group

If you aren't aware, we've been trying to get pregnant off and on for exactly three years now, a total of 18 times to date. I finally bought some ovulation predictor strips to try out and if that doesn't work soon, we'll both get checked out to see what's going on. There's also a chance that we'll just resign ourselves to the idea that it's not meant to be.

We also know that, well, I'm almost 38. It has been difficult at times but now, it's almost to the point where I don't even care anymore. I know that if it happens, it will be in God's perfect timing, just like every time before (we got pregnant on the first try twice in a row!). And if it doesn't, I am OK with that. But if I seem a little sad every 34 days or so, you'll know why.

This motherhood stuff is hard, plain and simple. And that's why we're here.


Friday, May 15, 2015

Did you have a traumatic birth?

I ran across this article today on Mothering.comThe Secret Many Moms are Keeping

I believe it's true--many women that had traumatic births don't ever take the time to process it or heal from it as they move on to recovering themselves and caring for their newborn. Sometimes they think they're OK ("Hey, I got a healthy baby out of it") but the pain resurfaces years down the road.

You may not know that my first birth was what many people would label traumatic--if you consider an emergency hospital transfer traumatic. You can read the full story here: Andrew's birth story

The hard thing is that we'll never know if we could have avoided going to the hospital if I'd been checked sooner, or if we'd have ended up at the hospital, anyway. Of course if I'd been in the hospital from the start, it's possible that there would have been interventions and a very different outcome, too.

The hardest part is that my vision for my birth was completely taken away from me. Rushing to the hospital at the "ready to push" phase was no picnic, nor the chaotic twenty minutes between our arrival and his. Not hearing "It's a boy!", not holding him until after an hour, worrying about whether he was OK, not knowing what was going on with ME...definitely not what I'd been hoping for.

I look back and wish that the midwives would have checked me sooner. I wish Drew had insisted. I wish I'd known what the urge to push felt like and that they'd coached me to push harder.

YES, I met my goal: natural child birth and a healthy baby. But the rest of it was ripped away from me.

My recovery was challenging, too, and not being able to sit up unassisted for several days meant that I quickly learned how to nurse laying down, which meant that we surreptitiously became a co-sleeping family.

Birth is rarely what we expect it to be. In fact, with my second, I was determined to have another natural birth, even if it was "as bad" as the first. But instead it was absolutely by the book, even to the amazement of my nurses and doctor. We started timing contractions at 3am, left for the hospital around 6am, was all set up in the delivery room by 7am and he was born at 8:21am!! They put him on my chest and let the cord stop pulsing and I held him for almost an hour before they took him to clean him up, then returned him immediately to me and we've been together ever since. SUCH a different story.

The important thing, I think, is that women need to share their stories. The good, the bad and the traumatic. We need to process it, to know that other women have been there, too, to hear stories that were better or worse than ours. It's powerful and it aids in the healing process.

If you'd like to join a small community of supportive women, join my Facebook group: God Knits Facebook group

Women need each other! I hope to facilitate more conversations in the future. In the meantime, journal your thoughts and feelings or talk to a trusted friend. Or call me! (602) 349-1129


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Happy Mother's Day!

TTC #1 this time around was not successful but we are not at all discouraged!

It's a numbers game...and of course, with God, all things are we're just enjoying the journey!

I had a lovely Mother's Day and hope you did, too.

If you're a woman who struggles with Mother's Day, whether because of a baby hoped for, a baby lost or a struggle with your own mother, YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN. I hope you can find peace and hope wherever you are on your journey and find ways to celebrate everything you have to be thankful for. 

I've been thinking more lately about fertility and pregnancy and I hope to be writing more here soon! Stay tuned...


Friday, April 10, 2015

He said his peace!

Weeellll....we've been hem-hawing about having another baby for months--nay, years--now. We've even "tried" off and on quite a few times! Then we just weren't sure what we wanted to do, so we took a break.

Well, my sweet hubby kept asking me if I wanted another baby. He'd ask our boys if they wanted a brother or sister. He'd mention "now or never" and ask if I'd made up my mind.

I've knows for quite a while that I'm definitely open to the idea or having another baby but I wasn't SURE one way or the other.

Then recently, I've been feeling the draw again...that puuullll to become a mother again.

It's that time of the year, too...when we got pregnant with the miscarriage baby, Mother's Day, Ethan's birthday...when I'm thinking about pregnancy and babies again.

And I noticed on Countdown to Pregnancy that if we conceived this cycle, I'd be due December 28. That rings a bell--that was our due date with the miscarriage baby. 

Songs on the radio...looking at baby pictures of the boys and feeling that tug on my heart...I finally thought, "Yeah, we need to think about taking another leap of faith."

Drew prayed about it. He said he had peace. So we're going for it.

The night before we first "tried," Ethan added, "getting a new baby" to his nighttime he KNEW or something. Funny.

This time FEELS different. Our hearts are in it. Life is good, our family is doing great, I'm feeling's time.

So we're taking that leap of faith and this time, we're sticking with it! 

Assuming my fertile phase just passed, we'd be looking at news before the end of April. If it doesn't take this month, I'll start charting again. I had to brush up on my Fertility Awareness knowledge--thankfully, a lot of it is still ingrained in me!

The last two times we really made up our minds we got pregnant on the first try so of course that's my request. But really, any time in the next 10 months would be lovely.

Here we go!!

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Where we are now

I can't believe we're mid-way through March already!

These were our family photos from December 2015. The boys are now 9 and 5.

We're actually on spring break for two weeks and enjoying some downtime and more decluttering and home projects.

As for the "trying," it's been on hold for quite a while. We haven't made a 100% decision one way or the other but are certainly NOT "trying" at the moment.

We did have two nephews born within one week last month, though, so our family is growing! 

We're in a good place right now and are feeling blessed. For now, that's good enough.