Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I Suppose I Have Something to Prove

I saw that picture on the "My Babies" page of me with Andrew in the recovery room and my heart just about fell out of my body. Nothing beats bringing another human being into the world.

Yesterday, Ethan drug a toy out of the garage that he received for his first Christmas when he was seven months old. Last night, his big brother put it together and they played with it for quite a while. I asked if Ethan wanted to see pictures of him as a baby when we first got it. We spent half an hour looking through pictures of Christmas 2009 and I couldn't stop smiling. There was a picture of me hugging seven-month-old Ethan super-tight and he looked at it and I said, "That mama loves that baby so much!" and he laughed and grabbed me for a hug. I could have melted into the floor.

The truth is, I have amazing pregnancies and I birth incredibly healthy, beautiful, happy, 'easy' babies and  I absolutely adore being a mom. Even on my worst days, which are far and few between, I always think, "I could do it all again." I don't think I'm 'done.'

The crazy thing is, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. This will be Ethan's last year before starting kindergarten and both of the boys are in phases where they are really independent and low-maintenance. I have a lot of freedom and I enjoy it and take advantage of it!

I am 35 now. I love the writing, blogging, networking and volunteering I participate in! I love my life!

So, yeah, the idea of "starting over" with a new baby is daunting. But what's even more daunting is the idea of getting one, five or twenty years down the road and wishing I had added to our family when I had the chance--which is NOW.

I'm not getting any younger and the boys would be a minimum of almost five and over eight years apart in age. The clock is ticking.

But there's a catch. My husband wants me to cut back on my work so I can focus on our boys, our home and eventually a healthy pregnancy and adding another munchkin to our brood.

It's wildly exciting. And scary.

So I have almost one full month before we go on vacation to Florida and will be fertile again so my hubby is giving me until we leave on the trip to dial back on my businesses and to figure out how to work WAY less hours and put WAY more time into our home and family. Gulp.

I am up for the challenge. I will prove to him that I am ready to start trying again and that I'm ready to have another baby (and raise another child). My mother's heart knows that I am ready and willing, God willing.

There's really nothing more important to adding to our family and now is the time.