The Wait is Almost Over

Yup, when I wake up tomorrow (Sunday, 7/28, which it technically is as I write this), I will be cycle day 31 and 12 dpo--well within testing range.

 My average cycle, in fact, is 29, so I'm actually "late" already. Of course *I* know my longest are 32 days, so there's that. Drew even said I could use the $4 one tomorrow! :)

 As always, my hopes are WAAAAYYYY up. "Don't Stop Believing!" and I know my God is faithful no matter what!

So many good reasons for it to be +. People are praying, we're excited, April due date...I'm tired of waiting... 

I have felt a bit "off" all week. A little crampy/achy the last couple of day. Gas and bloating. Then the tiniest bit of pink in my CM late tonight...which, pre-AF, is usually brownish and drier. Of course now I'm hoping that was implantation bleeding.

I had pink on day 10 with Andrew and day 11 was beige, so...that's a good sign, I guess!! I'm a "late implanter!" I'm tall, maybe I have long fallopian tubes!!

Naturally, I am hoping this post is one that I read after the fact and say, "I knew it!!!" But...I've felt that way with virtually every cycle. Go figure.

I am thinking that WHEN it is +, I will either 1. say I didn't take the test or 2. say it was negative THEN surprise EVERYone, Drew and the boys included! I'm dreaming of getting pink and blue balloons and showing up at Mom and Dad's front door, THEN telling my boys to show up there--and surprising them, too! And then Dad can take some fun pictures to tell everyone else!! :) I am very excited, of course....and hoping, hoping, hoping.

Oh, and....we celebrate 11 years of marriage on August 6th....how cool would it be to celebrate this, too?? :)

I may not have shared it here, but when this process of TTC first started (sort of on a whim last October), I had a "vision" of me on my knees (imagine the yoga pose Downward Dog) in the bathroom, praising God. It would have been a total fluke that first month--but the vision has remained. I knew that when I got that + test, I would hit my knees and thank Him immediately.

I thought today, "Hm, I should do that beforehand. Doesn't He deserve my praise either way??"

So I am going to do that right now, before I go to bed.

So, this is the worst of the worst with the Two Week Wait...and it stinks. But it's almost over. One more sleep!

Last thing. I love this song for a baby on the way--just ignore the tie to the Twilight stuff and listen to the words!

The Waiting!!!

The Two Week Wait just doesn't ever get any easier. 

 This is, oh, our fifth time officially timing everything correctly and I could start a new cycle in two days and beyond...or be officially "late" and take a test a week from today on cycle day 32.

 So one week and we'll know something.

 Doesn't seem like such a long time.

 Riiiiiight.

 Naturally, I am gassy, occasionally emotional and have twinges and aches, which leaves me wondering if #1, the "symptoms" mean nothing or #2, I ovulated earlier than I thought and am anywhere from 8-11 days past ovulation.

I was a little on edge and shaky today, and even shed a tear when I picked Andrew up from his first day of 2nd grade and watched him hug both of his former teachers. I love my boys and would love to have another child...but I sure am happy with the two I have, and I am a blessed woman!

 Odds are I was right about a day 19 ovulation day and I am at just 6 days past ovulation, which means that any "symptoms" are merely progesterone taking over (and/or lack of estrogen), not pregnancy hormones. I haven't even implanted yet!!

 And, no, I don't have a "feeling" either way (I never do), except the usual feeling of "Come on!! Let's get on with this!" I even yelled at my belly today: "Make a baby!!"

 What's done is done, so we wait.

 

Time Flies

Obviously the last time didn't "take." No March baby for us!

 To be honest, this last time when we covered my ENTIRE fertile window and it didn't take, I had an entire day of high emotions. Sad, mad, frustrated, you name it. Call it PMS, but still. I was crying and feeling on edge, which is very unlike me.

This is starting to get to me. In fact, this is the longest we've gone "trying" so far. We got it on maybe the fourth try with Andrew (in 2005), the first with the miscarriage (in 2008) and the first with Ethan (in 2008! We've been incredibly fortunate, I know, but that record only fuels my impatience now!

I honestly and truly don't know how women go through this for years and years.

So here we are, "trying" again!!  We're looking at an April 6th due date now.

I thought yesterday was "peak" and even had some fertile fluid mixed with a tiny bit of spotting--which is considered VERY fertile, and usually indicates that estrogen levels are dropping off just prior to ovulation. I had that with my first pregnancy.

Then, later today, I discovered more fertile fluid and a VERY high/soft/open cervix...so we baby danced again. We definitely gave it our best shot--AGAIN.

We are entering the Two Week Wait any day now. I just want to get on with it! Every day that goes by means another day before I can take a test!

In other news, I was looking at the scrapbook I made for Andrew's pregnancy (I barely got to five months along and have barely scrapbooked since!) and gasped when I saw the record the midwives kept at my appointments When I started going to them (March 2005), I was 27 years old.

Twenty seven!! So young!!

I am now 35 and will be 36 when this baby is born!

That was a bit of a shocker. I'm an..."old mom" this time!! AAACCCKKK!!

So...yeah, this may take a little longer.

But as always, we are trusting in God's perfect timing. We know that He has a better plan than we could plan for ourselves, so we wait and trust and wait some more.

In the meantime, I'm just pinning maternity clothes and baby ideas, staying distracted with work and enjoying my boys. It'll be testing time (or Aunt Flow time) before we know it!