Being happy for them

This is cycle #12 since we "started trying." Has it really been that long?!?

I just looked back and we had five legit tries, three not-so-great tries (due to bad timing and a variety of other factors) and three months where we didn't try at all (mostly to avoid a November/December due date).
I definitely didn't foresee this taking quite so long BUT I will admit that the months have gone by very quickly and I'm still feeling hopeful and encouraged.

Within the last week, a dear friend texted that she'd gotten pregnant with her fifth child, a friend I met in 2001 messaged me that SHE became unexpectedly pregnant (they are over the moon!) AND I ran into a sweet acquaintance I haven't seen in a while at an event who is 18 weeks pregnant.

The first one already posted adorable announcement pictures on Facebook and I'm meeting the second one this weekend to tell her my stories and pass along my pregnancy and breastfeeding books. Siiiigghh.

You know the old saying that when all you have is a hammer, everything becomes a nail? Well, when you're trying to get pregnant, it seems like there are pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE. When it's people who are close to you, however, it hits home a little more.

I could let it get to me. You wonder "Why them and why not me?" You see them post their pictures and feel like it should be you. You wonder when it will be your turn. They reassure you, "It will happen for you soon!" You feel like when you DO announce your news, you'll look like you're just jumping on the baby band wagon or no one will notice because they're caught up in their own pregnancy journeys. You wonder if you should be telling people you're "trying" just to get some sympathy. 

If you happen to BE pregnant, just be aware that people who are TTC or who have lost a child are sensitive and need a little compassion. They usually do, however, want to celebrate your good news, so don't feel like you have to leave them out of the loop to spare their feelings.

If you are TTC yourself, it's important to be happy for people and know that your story will be told, too, and there will be people watching your journey someday and wondering, "Why her and not me?"

This process is heart-wrenching at times. It can be lonely. It can take longer than you thought it would. But you have to just keep your hopes up and try, try again. Just like I am. After all, what else can you do??

 

Labor Day??

So here we are, cycle day 31 and 12 dpo.

A less patient woman would have tested today. Or a woman who had had a chance to get to the store for a test.

It's just as well, because the longer you can wait is, of course, the better.

Tomorrow is 13 dpo and cycle day 32, which was precisely the day we got our Big Fat Positive with Andrew. In fact, his fertility chart and my current one are almost an exact match. Does that mean something??

I had a bit of beige fluid on the exact same days, too. Day 10 may have been implantation bleeding. Same with this cycle.

A Labor Day announcement would be a riot. And a May due date?? I could wear my May Baby tee shirt, which I already took out of my "maternity" bin, just in case.

I really, REALLY hope this is it.

I remind myself that EVERY month, there are GREAT reasons for why it would be so wonderful that particular month...so, that means that #1, there will always be good reasons and #2, when it does happen, it will be the BEST one! So if it doesn't take this month, there will be some great reason for why it takes when it takes.

This last day or two is the worst! I am on pins and needles and wondering if I am feeling "symptoms" or not. Like always, I think, "This could be "it!"" Or...this could be nothing! It feels so silly to get excited over nothing, yet NOT getting excited over SOME thing is even worse! :)

I'm going  out for a few groceries, and for a test, shortly. Tomorrow's test should be conclusive either way, so I'll feel better then. I won't sleep well tonight, but I'll feel better tomorrow!

Again, I don't have a "feeling" either way except for desperately hoping that this is The One that "takes!" I want this so bad and we are so ready to move on to the next chapter!

One way or another, we'll know by Saturday!

The Wait is Almost Over

Yup, when I wake up tomorrow (Sunday, 7/28, which it technically is as I write this), I will be cycle day 31 and 12 dpo--well within testing range.

 My average cycle, in fact, is 29, so I'm actually "late" already. Of course *I* know my longest are 32 days, so there's that. Drew even said I could use the $4 one tomorrow! :)

 As always, my hopes are WAAAAYYYY up. "Don't Stop Believing!" and I know my God is faithful no matter what!

So many good reasons for it to be +. People are praying, we're excited, April due date...I'm tired of waiting... 

I have felt a bit "off" all week. A little crampy/achy the last couple of day. Gas and bloating. Then the tiniest bit of pink in my CM late tonight...which, pre-AF, is usually brownish and drier. Of course now I'm hoping that was implantation bleeding.

I had pink on day 10 with Andrew and day 11 was beige, so...that's a good sign, I guess!! I'm a "late implanter!" I'm tall, maybe I have long fallopian tubes!!

Naturally, I am hoping this post is one that I read after the fact and say, "I knew it!!!" But...I've felt that way with virtually every cycle. Go figure.

I am thinking that WHEN it is +, I will either 1. say I didn't take the test or 2. say it was negative THEN surprise EVERYone, Drew and the boys included! I'm dreaming of getting pink and blue balloons and showing up at Mom and Dad's front door, THEN telling my boys to show up there--and surprising them, too! And then Dad can take some fun pictures to tell everyone else!! :) I am very excited, of course....and hoping, hoping, hoping.

Oh, and....we celebrate 11 years of marriage on August 6th....how cool would it be to celebrate this, too?? :)

I may not have shared it here, but when this process of TTC first started (sort of on a whim last October), I had a "vision" of me on my knees (imagine the yoga pose Downward Dog) in the bathroom, praising God. It would have been a total fluke that first month--but the vision has remained. I knew that when I got that + test, I would hit my knees and thank Him immediately.

I thought today, "Hm, I should do that beforehand. Doesn't He deserve my praise either way??"

So I am going to do that right now, before I go to bed.

So, this is the worst of the worst with the Two Week Wait...and it stinks. But it's almost over. One more sleep!

Last thing. I love this song for a baby on the way--just ignore the tie to the Twilight stuff and listen to the words!