No Dice

Nope, not pregnant.

I had a teeny bit of spotting before bed last night and told Drew, "I think it's over." Woke up this morning and first thing, it was official.

I was emotional this morning--some tears here and here (even as I sat at the Starbucks in Target--so I turned to face the windows so they didn't think their coffee was THAT good!). Overall, I feel OK and at peace. By the grace of God.

I'm just feeling kind of...tired. Tired of the roller coaster, tired of waiting. Just tired. But, we trust in God's plan for us and we know all things work together for good. And before ya know it, we'll be "trying" again!

I remember the waiting and wondering from pregnancies past, and it makes that positive test all the more surreal. I know I will have that moment again...someday. I hope.

I know that God withholds nothing good from us...so for reasons we may never know, now is not good.
And when it happens, it WILL be good.

I'm good with that.

 

Labor Day??

So here we are, cycle day 31 and 12 dpo.

A less patient woman would have tested today. Or a woman who had had a chance to get to the store for a test.

It's just as well, because the longer you can wait is, of course, the better.

Tomorrow is 13 dpo and cycle day 32, which was precisely the day we got our Big Fat Positive with Andrew. In fact, his fertility chart and my current one are almost an exact match. Does that mean something??

I had a bit of beige fluid on the exact same days, too. Day 10 may have been implantation bleeding. Same with this cycle.

A Labor Day announcement would be a riot. And a May due date?? I could wear my May Baby tee shirt, which I already took out of my "maternity" bin, just in case.

I really, REALLY hope this is it.

I remind myself that EVERY month, there are GREAT reasons for why it would be so wonderful that particular month...so, that means that #1, there will always be good reasons and #2, when it does happen, it will be the BEST one! So if it doesn't take this month, there will be some great reason for why it takes when it takes.

This last day or two is the worst! I am on pins and needles and wondering if I am feeling "symptoms" or not. Like always, I think, "This could be "it!"" Or...this could be nothing! It feels so silly to get excited over nothing, yet NOT getting excited over SOME thing is even worse! :)

I'm going  out for a few groceries, and for a test, shortly. Tomorrow's test should be conclusive either way, so I'll feel better then. I won't sleep well tonight, but I'll feel better tomorrow!

Again, I don't have a "feeling" either way except for desperately hoping that this is The One that "takes!" I want this so bad and we are so ready to move on to the next chapter!

One way or another, we'll know by Saturday!

Waiting to Wait

Cycle day 18 today and still seeming to be fertile. We've covered my fertile phase VERY well. I never go past day 19 for O day so we are close now!

The boys are still praying for a healthy baby girl--much to my parents' amusement when it comes to family prayer time!

Ethan likes to hear his story of when we knew we were pregnant with him, when we found out he was a boy, when he was born...so he's heard a lot of that. Then we're at the playground during Andrew's football practice this week and I mentioned to a fellow mom that WE are trying to have a baby girl and Ethan proudly told her, "Mammy and Daddy got me on the first day." He meant that we got pregnant on the first try. Which is true.

Gulp. I better be careful of what I say around him! 

So the Two Week Wait will commence shortly. Just two more weeks and we'll know!

 

Another May baby??

Strange how last month, my new cycle brought feelings of sadness and frustration whereas this time I barely even took note of it.

And my hopes were up, too!

 Maybe it's just hormones. Or a longer cycle??

Either way, we'll be trying again as of tomorrow and planning to cover my entire potential fertile window, which is now about day 12 to 20 (assuming an ovulation day between 14 and 19).

I seem to be entering the fertile phase early--I even had some spotting today that I'm not sure about. Last cycle, I had spotting day 16, then ovulated day 19. So maybe I'll ovulate three days from now on day 14??? Women's bodies are so strange.

Our EDD as of now is May 6, 2014. Ethan's due date was May 6! I believe after his ultrasound, they moved it to May 8. He was born May 12 and came home from the hospital on May 13, a year to the day after my miscarriage.

How amazing would it be to get another May baby?!?!

My Tabbatical is going well...I feel great...life is good! We'll see what happens.