Oh, boy!

Well, well, well.

It seems that I am experiencing my Peak Day today on cycle day 17, approximately 14 days prior to my next cycle. I should ovulate today or tomorrow. All good.

And there's this:

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!! That'd be a riot!!!

And now begins the Two Week Wait. Siiiiigghhhh.

 

It's a No-Go

Well, as charming as it would have been to announce pregnancy news right before Christmas, it was a no-go for this cycle. Looks like God has an even better plan!!

On the bright side, if it 'takes' in December we'd be due in late September, which would be lovely--right between my dad's birthday and Drew's. Fine by me!!

I see a new ob/gyn--or more accurately, their nurse practitioner--in a week to get checked out. I hope they can run labs on my thyroid levels, too, since my chiropractor wondered about that after Ethan's pregnancy. Either way, it will be nice to get into a new ob/gyn practice and find out about their hospital and the insurance, etc.

So...I don't have to avoid the spiked punch during Christmas! And we are looking at being fertile on or around Christmas Day, so that's kind of fun.

Here's to a fresh start!!

 

Still waiting

It frustrates me when people write all about the Two Week Wait then fall off the face of the earth RIGHT at the best part, and you don't hear anything else until you get the + or - news. Or NO news!

So, this is me checking in.

My cycles have been consistently under 30 days, then 30 and 31. Only one this year was 32. Going by that, lack of spotting, feeling good and no signs of impending period...I have every reason to hope I could be pregnant.

I had negative tests right up until the day OF a positive with past pregnancies. Thinking that I could start a new cycle at literally any moment and there IS a good chance that I will tomorrow...I feel silly thinking about the idea of actually being pregnant right now. There's like a 20% chance I am. Not great odds.

BUT...I can't stop hoping. I just can't. IF there is a baby in there, I want to know as soon as possible!! And I'd want to start loving that baby as soon as possible!! I will not apologize for that. I can't just say, "Eh, well, this cycle is dragging on and it probably didn't happen so I give up. I won't think about it any more." Ah....no.

"Don't Stop Believing!" And I have no reason not to believe.

And it's a very unique place to be, in the "could be pregnant and be a day or two away from knowing it" phase. Amazing. It reminds me of when my college roommates knew my now-husband was about to propose and we were on a basketball team road trip together and they had that juicy little secret between them and didn't tell me. They loved it.

Now, being in the "about to start a new cycle" phase? Pretty darn boring.

But I don't live in the place of "I'm not going to get my hopes up just in case it didn't happen."

Oh, my hopes are up, baby.

 

Don't Stop Believing

It's not a very spiritual song but "Don't Stop Believing" (originally by Journey) popped into my head during our last Two Week Wait.

Here it is, by the way, on Youtube. This is the GLEE version. It's so fun. It makes me want to get back to singing.



This time last month, my grandmother had just arrived into town for a month-long visit and, yes, we pick 'themes' for her trips and that one was "Let The Good Times Roll" with a 1950s vibe. We even had a sock hop to welcome her to Arizona. We love to party.

So! I got that song stuck in my head, then come to find out, one of the lyrics was "paying anything to roll the dice just one more time."

That had been our pregnancy announcement plan: to do a play on words with "we decided to roll the dice one more time"  to go with the "Let The Good Times Roll" theme. I remember bursting into tears when I heard that part of the song as we were awaiting news.

Alas, we didn't get pregnant...but the "Don't Stop Believing" concept stuck with me.

I believe that God is challenging me--probably in all parts of life--to keep believing in His plan and that He is working everything out for the best. Regardless of how my circumstances look.

As of today, I'm cycle day 31. The only cycle I've had longer than that in 2012 was back in April. My average is 30.

I'm approximately 14 days past ovulation, too, which is a day longer than average. No spotting except a tiny bit of pink late last night, which is NOT typical to my pre-period spotting, which tends to be red and/or brown. Implantation bleeding??? That did happen with one pregnancy, probably Andrew's...where I had no pre-period spotting but DID have some light pink, then got a positive test two days later.

Naturally I think about all of these possibilities and how one trip to the bathroom could put an end to the wondering. But, until AF arrives full force, I will keep believing for the best!!

 

It's So Bizarre

...to be in the Two Week Wait* not knowing whether you're pregnant, hoping you are, waiting to test and knowing that you COULD be walking around with a blastocyst in your uterus that will eventually be your new son or daughter.

It's just bizarre. Like being trapped in two realities. I might be about to get the biggest news of my life or it could just be another month that went by. I could be carrying a teeny-tiny ball of cells with mine and Drew's DNA or be about to start my period. This weekend, we could be making an announcement and talking about due dates and baby names or estimating the NEXT potential fertile phase and deciding whether to 'go for' a September baby. Those two realities are vastly different.

And you just don't know. And there's nothing you can do but wait to find out.

You just count down the days until you can take that pregnancy test, knowing that the result will either change your life forever or force you to start another cycle of trying and waiting.

Just as an update, I'm now 10 DPO (days past ovulation), which is really the first day that most women get a positive pregnancy test. But I'm not testing today. I may test tomorrow, though, so I could tell my grandmother before she leaves town and so I'd know whether to have a cocktail at my husband's company Christmas party that night. 11 DPO is still relatively early, but most tests should pick up a positive two to three days before my expected period.

No spotting, no symptoms to speak of. But not really PMSing or feeling period-like cramps, either. Just nothing.  

I'm actually feeling fantastic, which is in stark contrast to last month when I recorded all kinds of crazy symptoms at this point in my cycle! What is that about?!? I always felt good in early pregnancy with past pregnancies--mostly increased energy and appetite. Then the 'night nausea' and exhaustion came full force at around 6-8 weeks. So there's nothing to go on at this point.

So, yes it's bizarre but it's where I am right now and we'll get an answer soon enough.

In the meantime, we wait.

*The TWW is the two weeks between ovulation/conception and a positive pregnancy test.