Still waiting

It frustrates me when people write all about the Two Week Wait then fall off the face of the earth RIGHT at the best part, and you don't hear anything else until you get the + or - news. Or NO news!

So, this is me checking in.

My cycles have been consistently under 30 days, then 30 and 31. Only one this year was 32. Going by that, lack of spotting, feeling good and no signs of impending period...I have every reason to hope I could be pregnant.

I had negative tests right up until the day OF a positive with past pregnancies. Thinking that I could start a new cycle at literally any moment and there IS a good chance that I will tomorrow...I feel silly thinking about the idea of actually being pregnant right now. There's like a 20% chance I am. Not great odds.

BUT...I can't stop hoping. I just can't. IF there is a baby in there, I want to know as soon as possible!! And I'd want to start loving that baby as soon as possible!! I will not apologize for that. I can't just say, "Eh, well, this cycle is dragging on and it probably didn't happen so I give up. I won't think about it any more." Ah....no.

"Don't Stop Believing!" And I have no reason not to believe.

And it's a very unique place to be, in the "could be pregnant and be a day or two away from knowing it" phase. Amazing. It reminds me of when my college roommates knew my now-husband was about to propose and we were on a basketball team road trip together and they had that juicy little secret between them and didn't tell me. They loved it.

Now, being in the "about to start a new cycle" phase? Pretty darn boring.

But I don't live in the place of "I'm not going to get my hopes up just in case it didn't happen."

Oh, my hopes are up, baby.