It's So Bizarre

...to be in the Two Week Wait* not knowing whether you're pregnant, hoping you are, waiting to test and knowing that you COULD be walking around with a blastocyst in your uterus that will eventually be your new son or daughter.

It's just bizarre. Like being trapped in two realities. I might be about to get the biggest news of my life or it could just be another month that went by. I could be carrying a teeny-tiny ball of cells with mine and Drew's DNA or be about to start my period. This weekend, we could be making an announcement and talking about due dates and baby names or estimating the NEXT potential fertile phase and deciding whether to 'go for' a September baby. Those two realities are vastly different.

And you just don't know. And there's nothing you can do but wait to find out.

You just count down the days until you can take that pregnancy test, knowing that the result will either change your life forever or force you to start another cycle of trying and waiting.

Just as an update, I'm now 10 DPO (days past ovulation), which is really the first day that most women get a positive pregnancy test. But I'm not testing today. I may test tomorrow, though, so I could tell my grandmother before she leaves town and so I'd know whether to have a cocktail at my husband's company Christmas party that night. 11 DPO is still relatively early, but most tests should pick up a positive two to three days before my expected period.

No spotting, no symptoms to speak of. But not really PMSing or feeling period-like cramps, either. Just nothing.  

I'm actually feeling fantastic, which is in stark contrast to last month when I recorded all kinds of crazy symptoms at this point in my cycle! What is that about?!? I always felt good in early pregnancy with past pregnancies--mostly increased energy and appetite. Then the 'night nausea' and exhaustion came full force at around 6-8 weeks. So there's nothing to go on at this point.

So, yes it's bizarre but it's where I am right now and we'll get an answer soon enough.

In the meantime, we wait.

*The TWW is the two weeks between ovulation/conception and a positive pregnancy test.